Wednesday, December 21, 2011

A Christmastime Meme

I've been slackin'. Mostly because I've just been swamped, but I like to think that is no excuse, so today I post! Today, I post a meme, though, because I'm still slackin'. I'm stealing this from Jen O. She stole it too. I think anyone can steal it now.

1. The Christmas song I can listen to even in June is:
You know, I love Christmas music, so this is a hard question. I really like "Sleigh Ride" and "Carole of the Bells," but honestly, the winner in my book is "River," by Joni Mitchell. I'm not sure what makes this song so magical to me, but I will totally pull out the CD and listen to it randomly throughout the year. Of course, I'm not sure that "River" is what you would call a traditional holiday song. But whatevs. It says Christmas.

2. Hot chocolate, eggnog or mulled wine?
Hot chocolate. Hot chocolate is actually one of my favorite things about Christmas. Understand, I drink it all the time, but I'm justified in drinking it at Christmas. Also, you can only make it with milk. No water shall touch my hot chocolately goodness. Also, spiked hot apple cider. Mmmmm.

3. When do you put up your Christmas decorations?
We put ours up the weekend after Thanksgiving. Saturday or Sunday depending on our schedule. Friday is for shopping and the rest of the weekend is for decking the halls. Of course, since the empty boxes are still in my hallway, apparently the time for carting boxes downstairs is the weekend before Christmas. This month has just flown by, people.

4. What are you having for Christmas dinner?
We don't really "do" Christmas dinner. We eat all day. We have sandwiches and soup and veggie tray and pico de gallo, because we lurve pico and it's just hanging out in the kitchen. We play with presents and watch movies and laugh and joke and hang out and just eat whenever we feel like it.

5. What’s your favorite Christmas tradition?
Reading The Night Before Christmas with the Girls. They sleep together on Christmas Eve and we read the story and put out snacks for Santa and all is right with the world.

6. Have you ever gone carol singing?
Once, when I was in middle school. Brynna wants to do it, so maybe next year?

Virginia
7. When did you discover the truth about Santa? 
What truth? The truth that Santa is the embodiment of magic and wonder and goodness? I believe Mr. Church and The Sun. "No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood." Like Virginia, I believe.

8. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? We have a colored light tree that's filled to brimming with all the ornaments that the girls have made, kept and remember. Almost everything on there has a story. I hope that one day I'll be able to have two trees and one of them will be a fancy, color-coordinated tree - but it's not worth giving up my messy, crazy tree.

9. What’s the best thing about Christmas?
5 a.m. You might hear me complain about getting up early all other 364 days of the year, but Christmas morning is all about bleary eyes and shuffling gates and the sheer and utter glory of waking up to magic, twinkling lights and the knowledge that amazing things happen when you aren't looking.


10. All I want for Christmas is: I suppose I should say World Peace, but I'm just working on my house right now. When I accomplish peace in my house, I'll start working on the planet.

What about you? Care to join in?

Thursday, December 15, 2011

It's the End of the World as We Know It



No really.

See, about ten to twelve years ago, I used to start Christmas shopping in January. That's right, January. I would make my list and pick a couple of people for each month and buy ahead. That way, I wasn't stressed in December! And I had plenty of extra cash to spend on decorating! And Christmas traditions! And fancy cooking!

Then, I had kids. Almost immediately, that ended.

But still, I finished up on Black Friday. For the past six Christmases, with the exception of those people you never remember (Oh, hi. Yeah, I forgot that I knew people at work. Really, we do gifts. Um... I'm Jewish? Oh, I talk about church a lot. Well, um. The presents, they are in my car. I'll just go out and get them. I'll be back in about an hour.) I was always done by noon on Black Friday.

This year, I started on Black Friday and today, today is my last paycheck between now and Christmas and I have approximately 19,000 gifts left to buy. I should make a list. But I'm afraid I'd throw up.

In the meantime, I have decided not to do Christmas cards, because, well, bwahahaha.

I just spent a little over an hour trying to spend a gift card online. I finally finished but not before calling in a favor from the woman who works down the hall from my mother. Because that's how desperate I've gotten.

I used to sit back in late November, wrapping my presents and feeling superior and swear that the world would end before I was one of those schmoe's in Wal-Mart on Christmas Eve. I may miss that fate this year, but at the rate I'm going, it's going to be soon. I'd be makin' my peace if I were you.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

A Few Random Notes Regarding My Stats

Sometimes, for fun, I look at my stats. And sometimes, I am totally blown away by what I discover.

For instance, my most viewed page ever is Five Things on Friday - Driving in the South Edition. By a lot.

Also filling me with hilarity is my keyword analysis. This is where I find out what weird thing you guys have Googled to find me. So, number one is "driving hand signals," which I guess is why that whole driving in the south thing is so popular. But number two is "subway." Really? And, my favorite, number five is "people getting eaten by sharks."

I don't remember writing about people getting eaten by sharks, but welcome, shark eating aficionados.

Also, some of you are accessing me through Linux systems. Shout out. Because I don't use Linux, but it's just because I'm too lazy.

Monday, December 12, 2011

The Things at Which I am Just Not Good

My mom is a crafter. She is a much more experienced, talented and intuitive crafter than I. She is my own personal advice column when I run into a problem, can't figure out how something is done or am just plain stuck. The thing about my mom, though, is that she has the perfect combo of being naturally good at just about everything and years and years of practice, with patience added in for heft.

I am not that person. To some degree, I have an "eye," in that I can look at things and see the basic outline of how they came to be. I can make a materials list. I can take your tutorial you've published on the web and tweak it so it fits my needs or envision using your basic methodology for a completely different outcome.

What I can't do is tell you whether or not I can do it.

I see, I want, I plot, I attempt.

That's pretty much the extent of my skill level thought process, which is to say - none at all.

Sometimes, it turns out marvelously, and sometimes, it turns out disastrously.

Most often, it's sort of in the middle. Like this weekend. Among other crafts that I can't share until after Christmas, I worked on composition book covers.

See, I always carry a composition book and I had this idea that I would make covers and give them to the kids in my family. They would be inexpensive, too cute for words (with giant appliqued initials) and oh-so-useful for note writing, doodling and staying quiet in the car. I had big plans, I did.

And fabric. Lots of fabric. And I got down to business. After consulting my mom (ie the Encyclopedia Craftania) I got down to work. About two hours later, I had a completed composition book cover. And, meh.

See, I'm not good at precise - especially precise seam allowances - just not my thing and the cover is just a smidge tight, which means it holds the cover open a bit. Also, I didn't think about the part that goes under the spine and how to make that not poke up - so poke it does.

And here's the thing - it's fine. It's fine. I put my notebook in it and hated it at first, because at first, I hate all my crafts. They grow on me. And so did this one and it's fine. For my notebook. I'm not going to inflict this on anyone else. And it's no where in the general vicinity as professional. If professional is New York, and crappy is LA, this is Centralia, Missouri. Just - somewhere in the middle.

What I learned from this is that this is the kind of project at which I don't have much talent - precision, measuring, cutting once, sewing. It's not my strong suit. So, okay, if composition book covers would stop the zombie apocalypse, I could cover some comp books. Otherwise, I think I'll find something else to make (or buy, because DECEMBER 12) those pesky kids.

I'm telling you all this because sometimes when I read craft blogs, I feel this desperate sense of I'll-never-be-that-good. I look at things and think, "I could never, ever, ever in a million years do that." And sometimes I'm right, but more often than not - I'm dead wrong.

Because I could do that if I had worked at it as long and hard as they have. The thing that makes crafting so much fun for me is that is a constant learning curve. You will never be an expert in all the things. It's not about talent, it's about work. It's about knowing how much you want to put in and doing it.

If you want to make something, you'll never know if you can until you try.

And as for my notebooks, I just don't love them enough, but I know that if I wanted to get good at this, I could. It is not impossible or even improbable, it's just a lack of practice. And at least I gave it a shot.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Five Things on Friday - Geek Gift Edition

'Tis the season. The season for everyone and their little sister Suzy to post a gift giving guide. And who I am to break with tradition?

Here's the thing: while I love to read those guides and drool excessively over them, I always wonder who the pants they think their audience is. Gifts tend to range from $50 up to the hundreds and frankly, if I love someone enough to spend $50 of my hard earned cash on them, I probably don't need your pantsing gift guide to give me ideas.

So, rest assured, the top gift in this list is $18.95. That's right, less than twenty buckaroos buys you the eternal appreciation of a severely under-appreciated geek in your life.

Because what non-geek out there doesn't need a little help buying for the geeks in their lives? None that I've ever met. So, I present to you...

Five Awesome Geek Gifts for Under $20

Photo courtesy of Foxwise.
1. For the Harry Potter geek - This Harry Potter keychain from Foxwise is too cute. For those of you who don't know, in the HP universe, Accio is the spell used to bring something to you. Clever, huh? This is even made to order, so you could get a different font, text, or designs. Be sure to check out the other items in the shop, as there are plenty of great items for a geek - especially a Potter geek in there. Keychains, bracelets, rings, etc. all with the ability to change the quote. So really, this is great for any geek, because it's so customizable. The keychain pictured here is $9.95. Which I think is a pretty spiffy little bargain.

Photo courtesy of geekdetails
2. For the Firefly geek - I just about died when I first saw this very, very cool Leaf on the Wind Plate by Geek Details. I don't know if this is universal, but I love an inside joke. There are plenty of people in the world who would never give this plate a second glance. Leaves, whatever. But those of us who religiously re-watch Firefly and its follow-up movie, Serenity know that these are the sweet and sad last words of our beloved Wash. Geekdetails has a plethora of "altered" china items. I lurve the teacups. Especially the Alice in Wonderland teacups. And if you are looking for something a less of a commitment than this $18 plate of awesome, there are lovely buttons for as low as $1.50. Beware, though, not all of these items are safe for work or kids. You've been warned.

Photo courtesy of Pretty Whimsical
3.For the literary geek - I fell in love with Pretty Whimsical a few months ago over her "Team Bennet" scrabble tile necklace. It doesn't hurt that there are about a million of these puppies to appeal to everyone from Brynna to my college lit professor. And since most of them weigh in at the low-low price of $7.95, you can probably afford to stock up. This "Nevermore" pendant is an obvious, but still pretty reference to "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe. Not a fan of Poe? Browse around the rest of her shop where you'll find anything from Doctor Who to It's a Wonderful Life to Pride and Prejudice to kittens in Santa hats. You can also pick up the chain to go with your pendant from her for as little as $3.

Photo courtesy of weelittlestitches
4.For the Buffy geek  - The bad news is that you are going to need some time to get this one done as it's a pdf of a cross stitch pattern. The good news is that the Buffy the Vampire Slayer geek in your life will faint over the coolness of this Pixel People pattern. And at only $6, it's practically a steal. The seller, weelittlestitches assures everyone that this is a great pattern for beginners, too, so lack of experience really isn't an excuse. And if Buffy isn't the slayer for you, there's plenty more to choose from, like all twelve Doctors; Harry, Ron and Hermione; and the Breakfast Club. I especially like The Big Bang Theory gang.

Photo courtesy of piper and rory
5. For the Doctor Who geek - I know you probably can't read what the bracelet from piper and rory says, so here it tis: "Are they all like this? Like what? So much bigger on the inside." This is quote from "The Doctor's Wife" which (bonus geek points) was penned by none other than Neil Gaiman. It send cold chills through me every time I hear it and I can't help but hear it in her voice. *sigh* In any case, it's a lovely aluminum alloy bracelet that comes in three sizes for only $5. And, as always, check out the rest of the cool items in piper and rory's shop. There are also some very nice Harry Potter and Shakespeare items hanging out in there.

You may have noticed that all these gifts hail from Etsy.com. There are a couple of reasons for that: I like to support small business people and nobody knows geeks like geeks. While there are t-shirts and the like to be found elsewhere, Etsy is really your spot for geeking it up. Trust me.

Also, official disclosure time: I am not affiliated in any way with any of the sellers mentioned above or Etsy in general. I did not receive any compensation for this post. These people do not know me and I do not know them. If I developed a sudden hunger for brains, they would all be concerned about the beginning of the zombie apocalypse, but none of them would be concerned that I was patient zero. That is all.

So, what ideas do you have for gifts of the geeky variety? Or are you just lost as to what geeks love? Have an idea of something I missed? Chime in, please. My self esteem requires your constant attention.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

A Facelift

(And, no, I'm not talking nose job, here, but still, it hurts. It hurts so much.)

Did you notice? Every year, I swear I am going to wait until New Year's for my annual facelift and every year I fail.

I think this one is particularly spiffy, though.

I'm looking for input of course. How do you like it? Is there anything hard to read? Anything you can't find? Etc. etc?

I am also thinking of adding an About Me or FAQ page. Of course, no one ever asks me anything, but I feel like there should be a place for something more, shall we say, descriptive... Let me know what you think - if you have a preference and ask me some questions for the love of pants.

(Have I mentioned that I've decided to replace all my commonly used cusswords with pants? For the love of pants; What the pants; mother pantser, son of pants. I think it'll be fun.)

More later, my darlings.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Eulogy for a Book Club

Pain is just a sign that you are alive and today I am alive.

It seems like only yesterday that a small group of women, unhappy in their work and sharing a passion for reading met in a small dark pub. We cozied up on the massive couches and split a few appetizers and drinks and discussed Reading Lolita in Tehran, one of the few nonfiction books I've ever truly enjoyed. I left that restaurant feeling renewed and revived, like there was a whole new joy in my life - and there was. 



Bookclub quickly became my favorite day of the month, I would wait for it with bated breath and think about it constantly. Slowly, our members began to leave our place of employment, but we soldiered on, moving our meetings to each other's houses and adding new members, even a couple of guys.


And through the next five years, it grew into more than just talking about books and having a few drinks. It became a night of friendship and laughter and just being who I was. There was no pretension, no imagineering a new personality. I was simply me, doing my favorite thing - talking about books.


And now, my favorite day on the calendar has died a tragic death of disinterest. It's hard to take in and admit. Bookclub is gone. My evenings of fun and frivolity are gone. White wine and books I'd never read on my own are a thing of the past. 


To my bookclub friends, I love you and will miss you. I hope that we may stay in touch because even though our love of literature brought us together, I believe that through the years we found more common ground that we could have ever imagined.

Bookclub, I love you.  I miss you.  You have graced my life more than you will ever know.
 
 

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Conversations with a Seven Year Old - Witch Edition

At the parade: Me, Brynna, Maren and
Drowning Victim Barbie
So, we're in the car this weekend, heading out to the Christmas parade, which was awesomeness by the way, and I'm telling my mom and Uncle D's girlfriend a story and the following conversation occurred:

Me:... So, this dog is totally terrified of me and I have no idea why. I'm nice to dogs in general and I've never tried to freak this one out.

Brynna: Maybe it thinks you're a witch.

Me: ... Sure. Maybe.

Brynna: 'Cause you have black hair like a witch. And the way you laugh, it's kinda like a cackle.

Me: Cackling Well, yeah, there's that.

Brynna: And you have a pointy nose like a witch.

Me: Yeah, I... WHAT?!?

Apparently, I am okay with laughing like a witch and having witchy hair, even with the whole idea that strange dogs might confuse me with witches, but back up, little girl, did you just insult my nose?!?

I'm not sure what's most disturbing, that she thinks that or that I'm that upset by it. But anyone who knows a good cosmetic surgeon should let me know.
____________________________

Later on, after the parade and dinner and everything, on the way home, Brynna was chattering to herself in the backseat. Maren was clearly asleep and I was desperate to keep myself awake.

Me: Whatcha talkin' about back there.

Brynna: I'm not really talking to you.

Me: I know, I'm just wondering what you're doing.

Brynna: Playing.

Me: Playing what?

Brynna: You know, that's kinda the point of sitting in the back seat. So I don't have to talk to you about every little thing.

Me: Oh.

And then, when I was putting the girls to bed:

Brynna: Are you coming to tuck me in?

Me: Of course I am.

Brynna: 'Cause you better hurry, I'm very tired.

Me: Five minutes, I promise. I need to read a story to Maren and I'll be right in.

Brynna: Okay, but I can't promise I'm gonna wait up. I might fall asleep.

Me: That's okay, I guess.

I think my usefulness is being phased out. Thank goodness I still feed her and check her homework, otherwise I'd be totally useless.

Monday, December 5, 2011

A One, A Two, A...

Dearest Maren,

This past weekend, you reached the momentous age of three. Three whole years of your presence on this Earth and I can't imagine the world without you. I wanted to take a moment and tell you a little about your three-year old self.

You are happy. You are the happiest, most content child I've ever met. Despite the fact that you have completely typical meltdowns and temper tantrums and are a bit of a drama queen, you are truly happy with the world around you. You get excited easily and you never cease to find the joy in the mundane. Your bright eyes and easy smile mean that you bring the bright side to all those around you, too. You are liquid cheer, moving through the room and giving everyone a little smile.

You are smart. Every day I am amazed at what you have learned, what you can say and what you understand. You can carry on a conversation and play board games with your big sister. Sometimes I forget how little you still are, because you are so smart. Please, if I continue to do this, please, remember that it's a compliment.

You are beautiful. Everyone thinks so, but I, doubly so. Your curls and your pudge are only the beginning. What makes you beautiful is the glow that comes from within. Your constant interest, curiosity and amazement at the world around you makes you so beautiful. I hope you never lose that. I hope that for the rest of your life, you try to dissect the world and know the hows and whys.

You love things that go - horses, cars, trucks, motorcycles and especially the four wheeler that NiNi and Papaw got you for your big day this year. You are rough and tumble and have no fear when it comes to speed, loud noises and things that go vroom. You love to help Uncle D work on cars and you don't mind getting all dirty and you can teach your momma a thing or two about motors.

But then you turn around and hold a baby doll with such grace and delicacy that it takes my breath away. You can stand there, baby in your arms and grease on your face and remind me that you will never be pigeon-holed. You will defy expectations and stereotypes. You are complex and wonderful.

You may change in the years between me writing this and you reading it. I'm sure, in fact, that some things will change a great deal. But here is what will never change: you will never stop being my girl. My sweet, funny, beautiful, amazing girl. My penguin. My peach pit. My everything.

Happy birthday.

Love,
Mommy

Friday, December 2, 2011

Five Things on Friday - Grinch Edition

When it comes to Christmas, I am Suzy Freakin' Sunshine. I love all things holiday related. I put up the tree the weekend after Thanksgiving, which is also about the time I start listening to Christmas music. I watch whatever pops on TV that is Christmas related and I may or may not already be working on getting my kids to watch It's a Wonderful Life. 


I'm annoying like that. But there are a few Christmas-related things that drive me absolutely fruitcakey. So, here they are in no particular order:

Five Things I Hate About the Christmas Season



1. "Christmas Shoes" - I don't know if you've heard this World's Most Depressing Song, but basically a poor little kid wants to buy his mom some shoes to wear because she's dying on Christmas Eve. I am all about a few tears in my eggnog (especially since I don't drink eggnog) but this song is over-the-top sad. I'm pretty sure it was written by someone who hates jolliness. Or merriment. Or rockin' around the Christmas tree.

Really? Really Rankin/Bass?
You got Mia Farrow to be a unicorn,
but this is the best baby you can do?
2. Rankin and Bass - Okay, I'm going to go ahead and admit it up front. I hate Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Toys. Maybe I'm evil. Or inhuman. Whatever. I seem to be the only one on the planet.  I'm pretty sure that's someone's acid trip and it's not even an amusing one, like Teletubbies. Also, it's not that I don't like claymation, it's that I don't like crappy claymation.*  Also, Berle Ives. I get that it's a whole part of our culture or whatnot and that there are approximately a million of these travesties - don't even get me started on the ones featuring the New Year Baby - but I just think they are terrible.**



I still believe.
3. People who don't know how to discuss Santa in public - If I am ever found guilty of murder, it'll be because some loudmouth says something stupid and ruins the magic for someone sweet. Magic is what makes the world go 'round and if you don't learn to participate in the magic and believe as a grown up, I have no use for you during the month of December. Or your kids, because chances are they "found out" when they were four.

4. Light Up Accessories - Every year, there is someone out there who buys my kids a bunch of jewelry, hats, hairbands and shirts that flash tiny LED lights constantly. Having a few items isn't such a big deal, but with kids this age, they are going to wear them all at once. That's a big deal. It's, in fact, a seizure waiting to happen, if you ask me. I know it's the season of light and all, but is that really any reason to cover kids in them?

Arrgh. Someone needs to get that kid therapy.
And not by a vindictive nutcase bully.
5. Charlie Brown - I can usually ignore the mocking of a fictional clinically depressed child, because it's, you know, fictional and because it's not usually in my face. But for some reason, Christmas and Charlie Brown have developed an unholy relationship, where we are forced to see him constantly and sit back and chuckle while he is emotionally bullied (and sometimes physically) by all his "friends." Even when I was little, I liked Snoopy, but wanted to shake some sense into Charlie Brown.

*(I love you, Nick Park.)

** Also, of note: My love for The Last Unicorn. I know, I know. I am a complex and unpredictable sort.

Okay, so, do you agree with my annoyances, or do you want to meet me behind the tinsel for some sparring? What are you most annoyed by this time of year?

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Making It! - World's Simplest Book Mark Edition

Cutesy nesting bookmarks.
So, I'm in this bookclub and every Christmas, we have a white elephant exchange where we all bring the most horrific thing we own and pawn it off on someone else. We also tend to gift each other with little knick-knacks of the free to cheap variety. For the last few years, I've made a habit of making my gifties and I've done everything from fudge to scrap yarn scarves.

This year, I saw these super-cute little bookmarks on Pinterest and knew that I had to make them. A little digging in my basement and I came up with some cute scrapbook paper.

Basic Shape = Fish or Fat Arrow
I tried scrapbooking and I actually did it for a couple of years. In the end, I just wasn't as into it as the amount of money I was spending would imply. So, I gave it up. I have found, though, that a lot of the stuff I accumulated through my scrappy life has come in handy. I use those tape rollers all the time and I will never, ever give up my corner rounder.

In any case, it took me a little experimenting but I came up with the basic shape needed and made a template. Then, I traced it onto the "good" paper and cut it out. It looks a little like a fish. Or a fat arrow.

Fold one - corner up.
Next, I folded the point up, so that the apex was aligned with the the lowest point in the "arrow" end.

Then, I folded the right hand point down and ran a couple of lines of tape over the top. If you don't have scrappy materials, you could use double sided tape, glue dots or glue. You want to make sure you get the corners (like I didn't do in the pic - hey - there's a small learning curve here).

Fold Two
Finally, fold down the last corner and press to secure against the tape or glue. You're done! Both sides are two pages thick. I considered covering each one with clear contact paper to make it a little more heavy-duty, but after playing with them a while, I decided this would hold up at least as well as you're typical cardstock and thread bookmark.

I want to go back and write little quotes on them, but I haven't collected any yet. Any suggestions are welcome!

A couple of notes about paper - you could use any paper you want, but I think the scrapbook paper is just about perfect for this job. If you used anything much heavier you would want to crease the edges very carefully, using a blunt blade, like the straight side of a butter knife. Anything lighter and you'd want to reinforce it a little. This would be pretty cute with maps or wrapping paper, too. The best part is that in the end you have something cute and easy to make that didn't cost you much, if anything. So, go ahead and use it and even lose it. It's okay.


 So, what do you think - do you like my easy-peasy little bookmarks? Have a super-easy gifty you'd like to share?