What else should I be?
There seems to be trend about saying, "Hey, I'm not apologizing for this..." and while I like to think of myself as a nonconformist, I'm really just a child of the '90's, in my friend G's words, "Trying to be different in exactly the same way as everyone else."
Here are:
5 Things For Which I Refuse to Apologize:
1. Not making any sense - I mean this in any way you can interpret it. Sometimes I say things like, "I wish I could cuss in Chinese," or "I guess I forgot how to be cold." I know that these things probably don't make any sense to you. It's okay. They make sense to me. Sometimes I go the long way home when I don't need to. Sometimes I stay late at work by 15 minutes because I like the quiet. Sometimes I eat Cheerios and pickles for supper. Get over it.
2. Feeling my feelings - I feel like no matter what I feel, it's not really "allowed." I can't be happy or I'm in denial, I can't be sad or I'm not coping, I can't be mad or, well, there's no or, I'm just a good girl and I'm not supposed to get mad. Pants that. I am all of those things and I will make an effort not to be a jerk about what I'm feeling (like I won't sing "Zip-a-de-doo-dah" at a funeral) but I'm just gonna go with whatever I'm feeling whenever I'm feeling it. Judge away. Just know that I do not care.
3. Being weird - People are complex. It's just the way it is. I can be girly and geeky and sociable and introverted all at the same time. You don't have to like me. (This has traditionally been hard for me because I want everyone to like me.) But you don't. You just have to accept that this is the me that I am. Like me for who I am or get out of my way.
4. Thinking my kids are better than yours - Here's the thing. I hate the comparing the kids game. You know the one. The one where you say, "Oh, little Seraphina has been walking since she was 8 weeks old," and then I say, "Well, Brynna didn't walk until her first birthday but that's because she was composing classical music when she was 3 months old." It's a crappy game that no one wins and it makes everyone stress and wonder if their kids are normal. However, I know, in my heart of hearts, that you think your kid is better than mine. That's okay. It's just the way it is. I think my kids is better than yours. And if you insist on playing that pantsing game, I will win. Because my kids are geniuses.
5. Eating - Hi, my name is Jessi and I'm a big girl. And as a big girl, I am supposed to be sorry about eating. I'm supposed to order Diet Coke and never, ever, EVER eat dessert in public. Whatever. I eat. You deal. And quit looking at me like that. You're just jealous that you aren't eating Chimi-cheesecake. With a giant margarita. Aren't you?
What about you? Done apologizing for anything?
3 comments:
I still apologize for who I am, and I shouldn't. The feminist in me hates me for this. Also, this post makes me remember why we were totally BFFs way back when.
Funny, though. I am finally (slowly) figuring out that who I am isn't something I should apologize for. Shouldn't I have gotten that about a decade ago? Like, if there's a social situation I know I'll hate, it's OKAY to skip it and not give a good reason. Or give an honest reason and not care what people think. Or dress how I like and not give it a second thought.
My kids are geniuses, too. Sort of. Except that I have a DOCTORATE IN MUSIC AND NEITHER ONE OF THEM CAN SING IN TUNE AND DANIEL REFUSES TO TAKE PIANO LESSONS...clearly, my independence is one thing they have inherited from me, for better or for worse.
Love you :)
S
Love this! Love. This. Good for you for not apologizing for all of these things! And I also L.O.V.E. that you are still using "pants" in place of cuss words. You are awesome.
Suze - Brynna has her first piano lesson today. Because I am still tone deaf and she wants to learn to play the banjo. Kids are so not fair.
Joni - Thank you. I'm still having a hard time working "pants" into my actual speech, but it's getting easier in writing.
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