I could go to sleep right now. Yes, I've only been awake for 3 and a half hours, what is your point? I could go to sleep at any point in the day, right now. I could go to bed at 6 and sleep straight through the alarm clock and be totally fine about it.
I suppose it's the pregnancy. I'm just worn out from continuing to be. But, my goodness, this seems ridiculous. The funny part is that I am not tired. I am not at all physically tired, just sleepy.
Nap must be the most beautiful word in the English language. Maybe I'll take one in the van over my lunch. You know those bumper stickers that were big about a decade ago "I'd rather be sailing" etc. Well, "I'd rather be napping." I'm seriously going to have that put on a bumper sticker.
Anyway, I know this isn't much of an entry, but I wanted to touch base and sleep is the only thing I can think about or focus on in the least.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Multi-Mom?
I have been really focused on the baby lately and really focused on not letting Brynna feel left out. And what dawned on me, I should have thought about months ago. I am going to be the mother of two kids.
Don't get me wrong, I think I pretty much have the only child mom thing down. It's not that I'm scared of kids or anything. I'm actually one of those weird masocists who LIKES kids, but I'm just not sure how I will deal with having siblings.
For one thing, I grew up without one. I mean, I have Duwayne and Duwayne is super-great, but let's face it, I was 13 when he was born. My sibling experience is more like an aunt experience. I don't know how siblings react or what siblings do. I understand that there may be fighting. When should I expect that? How much of it do I tolerate?
For another thing, Brynna has never had to compete. I mean, she is competitive. She does it all the time, but she has never HAD to compete. She is pretty laid back about her competitiveness if that makes any sense. I'm not so worried about around our house, because my husband and I are (hopefully) going to be prepared for this and ready to include her in every little thing. But what about everyone else. What happens when she isn't the cutest thing in pants anymore. (I mean let's face it, the kid is cute and she will always be, but people don't coo over the toddler with chocolate on their face like they do a shiny new baby.)
Finally, how much alone time with me or with dad should there be? Obviously, she needs to do stuff just me and her and just dad and her, and probably just Maren and her after a while, but how much? How much is too much and we don't feel like a family anymore and how much is just right so that everyone feels special and no one feels left out?
In short, I want to be perfect. I know, I know, get in line. But how do I do it. How do I make sure that the girls (did you hear that, girls - with an s - not just one) are happy and healthy and grow up to be well-adjusted, contributing, socially-involved adults? Is it even possible? Does everyone end up with their own brand of crazy, no matter what?
For the first time in this pregnancy, I'm scared. And it's not of the c-section, or of the recovery or of having a baby or even of losing a baby. It's of adjusting what I think is a pretty nice little life to be a life with two kids. Two sets of shows that someone wants to watch, two favorite foods, two piles of toys, two sizes of tiny socks to keep straight and mated up because apparently all kids socks have color on them somewhere. Two bath times, two bedtime stories, two pairs of mittens to get separated. I know that I will also have two kisses at bedtime, two school plays to watch proudly, two giggles and two hands to hold. I am not dreading it, I am looking forward to all the twos, but I am also terrified of them.
Don't get me wrong, I think I pretty much have the only child mom thing down. It's not that I'm scared of kids or anything. I'm actually one of those weird masocists who LIKES kids, but I'm just not sure how I will deal with having siblings.
For one thing, I grew up without one. I mean, I have Duwayne and Duwayne is super-great, but let's face it, I was 13 when he was born. My sibling experience is more like an aunt experience. I don't know how siblings react or what siblings do. I understand that there may be fighting. When should I expect that? How much of it do I tolerate?
For another thing, Brynna has never had to compete. I mean, she is competitive. She does it all the time, but she has never HAD to compete. She is pretty laid back about her competitiveness if that makes any sense. I'm not so worried about around our house, because my husband and I are (hopefully) going to be prepared for this and ready to include her in every little thing. But what about everyone else. What happens when she isn't the cutest thing in pants anymore. (I mean let's face it, the kid is cute and she will always be, but people don't coo over the toddler with chocolate on their face like they do a shiny new baby.)
Finally, how much alone time with me or with dad should there be? Obviously, she needs to do stuff just me and her and just dad and her, and probably just Maren and her after a while, but how much? How much is too much and we don't feel like a family anymore and how much is just right so that everyone feels special and no one feels left out?
In short, I want to be perfect. I know, I know, get in line. But how do I do it. How do I make sure that the girls (did you hear that, girls - with an s - not just one) are happy and healthy and grow up to be well-adjusted, contributing, socially-involved adults? Is it even possible? Does everyone end up with their own brand of crazy, no matter what?
For the first time in this pregnancy, I'm scared. And it's not of the c-section, or of the recovery or of having a baby or even of losing a baby. It's of adjusting what I think is a pretty nice little life to be a life with two kids. Two sets of shows that someone wants to watch, two favorite foods, two piles of toys, two sizes of tiny socks to keep straight and mated up because apparently all kids socks have color on them somewhere. Two bath times, two bedtime stories, two pairs of mittens to get separated. I know that I will also have two kisses at bedtime, two school plays to watch proudly, two giggles and two hands to hold. I am not dreading it, I am looking forward to all the twos, but I am also terrified of them.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Finally working on the nursery
Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's starting. I was done by this point with Brynna's nursery, and I haven't even started Maren's, but there is no more postponing the inevitable. We have started organizing and cleaning out the toys. We will hopefully finish that up tonight and tomorrow night and then Saturday we have help coming to move out the other furniture in the room and start priming over those delightful watermelon colored walls.
We still haven't completely decided on a color for the nursery yet. I'm leaning toward lavender and my husband is leaning toward yellow. I think we may end up with the yellow, cause I've picked EVERYTHING else and because he's made some really good points about it. In any case, I'm sure it will be beautiful. I can't wait to post pictures.
Thanks to my wonderful, lovely shower on Saturday (thanks ladies!!) I have a kitchen table COVERED in baby stuff. So, hopefully, this weekend, we can also get the closet cleaned out and get some of that stuff stored away in the closet.
I'm really hoping that in two or three weeks, we'll have a real live nursery, with furniture and baby stuff and everything. Wish me luck!
We still haven't completely decided on a color for the nursery yet. I'm leaning toward lavender and my husband is leaning toward yellow. I think we may end up with the yellow, cause I've picked EVERYTHING else and because he's made some really good points about it. In any case, I'm sure it will be beautiful. I can't wait to post pictures.
Thanks to my wonderful, lovely shower on Saturday (thanks ladies!!) I have a kitchen table COVERED in baby stuff. So, hopefully, this weekend, we can also get the closet cleaned out and get some of that stuff stored away in the closet.
I'm really hoping that in two or three weeks, we'll have a real live nursery, with furniture and baby stuff and everything. Wish me luck!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
I know it's been a while and some of you will not think this is the best way to get back on the blogging horse, but I have to share something with you guys.
Many of you who know me, know that through all three of my pregnancies now, I have relied pretty solidly on a group of total and complete strangers. I bulletin board. I join a mommy board with other ladies who have the same due date as I do and I post and post and read and read and bond. Many of these ladies I don't agree with. There are often spirited debates. In fact, some of them I don't even really like. But most of them I get really attached to. I have been through divorces, drug rehab, teenage pregnancy, stillbirth, miscarriage and stints in NICU with the women that I meet on my bulletin boards and I can't say enough good things about all the peace and sanity they provide my poor, hormone riddled mind.
A mere three weeks ago (although it seems like half a lifetime) my friend Niffy (I think her real name is Jenn, but considering I spend my whole on-line life as LadyJess, who cares?) gave birth via c-section to her beautiful daughter MacKenzie. The only problem is that Niffy was only 26 weeks and some change pregnant. Baby Mac (as we board ladies fondly refer to her) is living the NICU life and it is not easy. Poor sweet Mac has only just this week reached the two pound mark and her feedings are measured in cc's. (Like IV meds.) It's a hard thing to read about some days and the pictures of poor little Baby Mac hooked up to all that machinery is sometimes more than I can take. But, the courage and love that she and her sweet, funny mom have is pretty amazing and inspiring. If you are looking for faith that good things can come from desperate times, read about Baby Mac here: http://mackenziealexander.blogspot.com/. I promise, you'll be glad that you did.
Many of you who know me, know that through all three of my pregnancies now, I have relied pretty solidly on a group of total and complete strangers. I bulletin board. I join a mommy board with other ladies who have the same due date as I do and I post and post and read and read and bond. Many of these ladies I don't agree with. There are often spirited debates. In fact, some of them I don't even really like. But most of them I get really attached to. I have been through divorces, drug rehab, teenage pregnancy, stillbirth, miscarriage and stints in NICU with the women that I meet on my bulletin boards and I can't say enough good things about all the peace and sanity they provide my poor, hormone riddled mind.
A mere three weeks ago (although it seems like half a lifetime) my friend Niffy (I think her real name is Jenn, but considering I spend my whole on-line life as LadyJess, who cares?) gave birth via c-section to her beautiful daughter MacKenzie. The only problem is that Niffy was only 26 weeks and some change pregnant. Baby Mac (as we board ladies fondly refer to her) is living the NICU life and it is not easy. Poor sweet Mac has only just this week reached the two pound mark and her feedings are measured in cc's. (Like IV meds.) It's a hard thing to read about some days and the pictures of poor little Baby Mac hooked up to all that machinery is sometimes more than I can take. But, the courage and love that she and her sweet, funny mom have is pretty amazing and inspiring. If you are looking for faith that good things can come from desperate times, read about Baby Mac here: http://mackenziealexander.blogspot.com/. I promise, you'll be glad that you did.
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