Five Things on Friday - The People You Hate on Facebook

With roughly 1/3 of the entire American population and over 3/4 of my particular age bracket on Facebook, I think we can all agree that it's pretty much more than a very clever time suck. And it's not as easy to use as people think. I mean, it's easy to use, but apparently not correctly.

So, for the education of the masses, I present:

The Five People You Hate (and Don't Want to Be) on Facebook

1. Billy Mays - The consumate salesman, the one who never turns it off - Almost everyone I know works. They truly do. They work in a lot of different careers. Which means that some of them are salespeople (real estate, cars, etc) and some of them own their own businesses. While Facebook is certainly a great place to pitch these services, it should be a facet of your online personality, not the whole thing. Look at your wall. If there are more than three things about your business visible, you need to slow down. If you are trying to type out "the hard sell," you need to quit. Sure, mention what you do, post your new blog posts, let us know about sales you're running, etc. etc, but make sure that we can still see YOU in the middle of all that business. If you are failing at this, at least make a separate page from your business. I will totally "Like" it and then "Hide" it so I don't have to listen to you and can still not hurt your feelings.

2. Debbie Downer - Always sick, sad, lonely or unlucky - Everyone has bad days and there is possibly no better place to whine about that than on Facebook. It's fun to share your misery and instantly have a whole bevvy of people including your college boyfriend and your high school nemisis comfort you. It makes everything better, but like many things, a little goes a long way. Remember, people only see what you share, so if you are telling us about every little thing that goes wrong and never having a positive post, I'm either going to assume you are suicidal or I'm going to defriend your miserable butt. Take notice.

3. Pollyanna - Always looking at some imaginary bright side  - While slightly less annoying that Debbie up there, the Pollyanna never shows a crack in her happy-schmappy persona. Her joy over every little thing is only matched by her ability to find a silver lining to even natural disasters and rising death tolls. Here's the thing: I get that you want to be cheery, probably there are just too many Debbie Downer's in your life, but in the meantime you are wearing me out. Not everything is skippy. You don't look human. Also, you're making me feel guilty, so quit it. I've got enough to make me feel guilty about.

4. Rush Limbaugh - Politically minded, forceful and always on the attack - Here's the thing: You might think you know your friends, and maybe you do, but chances are, they don't all have the exact same opinions as you on every single issue. And while it's fine to post your opinions, don't expect everyone to agree. Remember, that if you post a political stance, you are opening yourself up for debate. Think of everything on Facebook as standing on stage at your high school reunion. Do you really want to engage all these people on abortion issues? Or health care? Or worse - start randomly insulting people for their beliefs? If the answer is yes, prepare to be unfriended, attacked back, hid and generally despised. Some people may agree with you, but even they will question your attack stance. Also, I'm probably not going to agree with you no matter what, it's just who I am.

5. Dan Brown - Vague, cryptic and otherwise mysterious - Whatever it is that you want to say without saying it, just say it. Or don't say, frankly I don't care. But all of those: "You know who you..." type posts are really cluttering up my life. If you need to say something privately, then say it privately, by private message or chat. But don't broadcast a message meant for a very few to everyone you know. For one thing, it's annoying, for another it makes you look petty and childish. I shouldn't have to crack the da Vinci code to read your posts. And I won't. If you make me try, I'll just post something ridiculous in reply.

Sooo... Who do you hate on Facebook. (Broad sweeping generalizations only, please.)