Look Who's Not Dead

Yep, it's me.

This is the part where I usually make some excuses and I don't know what to tell you. I've been busy, I've been depressed, I've been whatever.

The truth is, that even though all those things are true, one of my issues is that I've not had a lot to say. I've kinda fallen out of love with my blog. It's not you guys, you guys are awesome. It's more that it's time for a content change and I just don't know what to write about. The kids are old enough that our conversations are rarely hilarious.

Well, I mean sometimes I have hilarious conversations with Brynna, but they tend toward the personal and sometimes I have hilarious conversations with Maren, but they tend to be purposely stupid.

I've watched bloggers I love step down and quit writing when their kids got to a certain age and they felt that their stories were not up for sharing anymore and wondered if that would ever happen to me. I mean, on the one hand, I haven't discovered the magic mix of chocolate milk and cookies that forces children to just stay children. But on the other hand, I've never really thought of this as a mommy blog.

I mean, I know I write a lot about my kids, but I also write about depression and divorce and being a geek and every other little thing that pops up in my life. None of those things belong to my kids or are contingent on their stories.

But here I am, and over the past couple of months, the only times I've touched this blog is to update my 36 Things. I've lost my passion for this place and I don't know what to do next. I'm not sure if I should try to recapture it or if I should just let it go, let it slide away.

Look, I want to make something clear - you should feel free to say whatever you want to say, but this is NOT me hinting that I want you guys to beg me to keep writing. In the first place, I'll never quit writing, I just may quit writing here. In the second place, according to my stat counter, "you guys" are like 6 people, so if you want to know what's going on in my stupid world that badly, I could just email you.

I never did this for anyone else, though, I've always done it for me and now I'm just not into it exactly. But I do miss it. Which I know is a weird little conundrum. I don't miss writing here so much as I miss the feeling I used to have about writing here. I used to walk around thinking, "I can't wait to blog this." I haven't thought that in months.

But, on the other hand, I like having this as my home base. This place is my place, more than Facebook, Instagram or Tumblr could ever be.

So, this is just me whining mostly, and some existential angst. But it's also a heads up. For a while, it'll be sporadic around here, but part of that is going to be me trying to find something that I'm excited about writing again.

Wish me luck.