Friday, December 2, 2011

Five Things on Friday - Grinch Edition

When it comes to Christmas, I am Suzy Freakin' Sunshine. I love all things holiday related. I put up the tree the weekend after Thanksgiving, which is also about the time I start listening to Christmas music. I watch whatever pops on TV that is Christmas related and I may or may not already be working on getting my kids to watch It's a Wonderful Life. 

I'm annoying like that. But there are a few Christmas-related things that drive me absolutely fruitcakey. So, here they are in no particular order:

Five Things I Hate About the Christmas Season

1. "Christmas Shoes" - I don't know if you've heard this World's Most Depressing Song, but basically a poor little kid wants to buy his mom some shoes to wear because she's dying on Christmas Eve. I am all about a few tears in my eggnog (especially since I don't drink eggnog) but this song is over-the-top sad. I'm pretty sure it was written by someone who hates jolliness. Or merriment. Or rockin' around the Christmas tree.

Really? Really Rankin/Bass?
You got Mia Farrow to be a unicorn,
but this is the best baby you can do?
2. Rankin and Bass - Okay, I'm going to go ahead and admit it up front. I hate Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Toys. Maybe I'm evil. Or inhuman. Whatever. I seem to be the only one on the planet.  I'm pretty sure that's someone's acid trip and it's not even an amusing one, like Teletubbies. Also, it's not that I don't like claymation, it's that I don't like crappy claymation.*  Also, Berle Ives. I get that it's a whole part of our culture or whatnot and that there are approximately a million of these travesties - don't even get me started on the ones featuring the New Year Baby - but I just think they are terrible.**

I still believe.
3. People who don't know how to discuss Santa in public - If I am ever found guilty of murder, it'll be because some loudmouth says something stupid and ruins the magic for someone sweet. Magic is what makes the world go 'round and if you don't learn to participate in the magic and believe as a grown up, I have no use for you during the month of December. Or your kids, because chances are they "found out" when they were four.

4. Light Up Accessories - Every year, there is someone out there who buys my kids a bunch of jewelry, hats, hairbands and shirts that flash tiny LED lights constantly. Having a few items isn't such a big deal, but with kids this age, they are going to wear them all at once. That's a big deal. It's, in fact, a seizure waiting to happen, if you ask me. I know it's the season of light and all, but is that really any reason to cover kids in them?

Arrgh. Someone needs to get that kid therapy.
And not by a vindictive nutcase bully.
5. Charlie Brown - I can usually ignore the mocking of a fictional clinically depressed child, because it's, you know, fictional and because it's not usually in my face. But for some reason, Christmas and Charlie Brown have developed an unholy relationship, where we are forced to see him constantly and sit back and chuckle while he is emotionally bullied (and sometimes physically) by all his "friends." Even when I was little, I liked Snoopy, but wanted to shake some sense into Charlie Brown.

*(I love you, Nick Park.)

** Also, of note: My love for The Last Unicorn. I know, I know. I am a complex and unpredictable sort.

Okay, so, do you agree with my annoyances, or do you want to meet me behind the tinsel for some sparring? What are you most annoyed by this time of year?


Eric Rutledge said...

This has nothing to do with your post, but if it means anything I completely agree with everything you said. My question is. Have you ever read the book Under The Dome by Stephen King. I have this book and I am thinking I may start it but I was wondering if it was worth the read. Well, I will leave you alone now. Thanks,
Eric Rutledge

Joni said...

I confess, I laughed out loud at your first sentence! And much like yourself, I love Christmas but do have some things about it that make me grumpy. As far as your 5 things, I have a mixed opinion. I DO hate the Christmas Shoes song, and I DO hate the creepy claymation classics. (I had to click you link to find out who Rankin & Bass were, but I've always hated the Rudolph and Frosty and Santa Claus shows on TV.)

On the other hand, I have absolutely no mind association whatsoever with Christmas and light-up accessories... Maybe people only give them to girls? I can't even picture what you're talking about.

The other two, though, I'm torn. My kid won't believe in Santa, but I definitely understand that it's important to people, and he will be taught not to shout it from the rooftops and ruin it for others. My problem often comes from the other side when people act like I'm a cruel ogre when I tell them Santa doesn't come to our house. Believe me, we LOVE Christmas and have lots of special experiences with it - they just don't involve Santa. So maybe you and I can both agree to hate people who say stupid and disrespectful things to others, thereby ruining their experience of Christmas.

And I'm not a huge fan of Charlie Brown, and the character is a little depressing when you think about it the way you put it! But I love the Charlie Brown Christmas Special because of the message and Linus' monologue at the end where he quotes the whole Bible story. How many other times do you get straight Scripture quoted (in a positive light) in something that's such a mainstream part of American culture?!

On my Things I Hate About Christmas list would be the way it starts earlier every year! I was infuriated when I turned on the radio and heard Christmas music the day after HALLOWEEN! Seriously, people?! It made me so mad that I ended up having a hard time getting into the spirit even after Thanksgiving! I'm finally there now, though. :)

So anyhoo, boy, this is a long comment. Thanks for the food for thought! :)

Jessi said...

Joni - I can definitely agree with people not saying stupid things. That sounds good even not at Christmas!