Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Ruining Her Life

As a parent, I believe that it is my God-given responsibility, my reason for existence, my purpose in life, to ruin my children's lives. This weekend was an astounding and amazing success.

Below; a brief list of the many activities that I did that ruined Brynna's life:

1. I forced her to try a pork chop before she left the table. With the raspberry sauce that I specifically made because she's always liked it before.
2. I wouldn't let her go to school yesterday. (As it was a holiday and no one else was there.)
3. I made her get off barbie.com after two hours.*
4. I told her that scalloped potatoes taste more like cheese than potato. Because she hates potato.
5. I packed sliced bell peppers in her lunch for today.
6. I refused to buy her a toy at the grocery store.
7. I watched two hours of the Dirty Jobs marathon.
8. I told her the Jump-arounds had changed their name.
9. I asked her to put away her toys.
10. I made her go to school today.

Alas, the weekend wasn't such a spectacular success with the younger one, who seems amused an happy almost no matter what we do. However, because the weekend went so badly, this morning I took her to the doctor and demanded they stick a needle in her leg. **

* I haven't yet bothered with rules governing computer time because her attention span has always been shorter than whatever TV show I am trying to watch while she's on the computer. Also because, frankly, I am more than happy to regain control of the remote and the peacefulness of the house while she does math with Handy Manny. I guess I need rules now, though, because barbie.com is evil, pink, princessy, crap with no educational value and apparently, no extent to the attention span to be paid there.

** Since I know someone will ask and it is kinda why I made the stupid blog in the first place:
The Doctor's Office by the Numbers:
29 - inches long
21 - lbs. weighing
75 - head circ. percentile
90 - weight percentile
95 - height percentile
1 - number of needles stuck in her (flu vaccine)
1 - number of developmental milestones not met (saying Mama or Dada, obviously)
5 - number of developmental milestones met
16 - oz. of formula needed per day until her first birthday
3 - number of months until next appointment


Jenn-Jenn, the Mother Hen said...

You could always go into your parental controls on the computer and block barbie.com. Then when she tries to go to it, tell her the site closed. I firmly believe in blocking inappropriate sites to keep Jamie from accessing them. As the momma, I have sole discretion on whether or not something is appropriate, regardless of what parenting magazines or other yardsticks of appropriateness state. You are right; Barbie is full of craptisticness that has no educational value. Then again, if you don't want to block it completely, you could always use the parental controls to severely limit how long and how often she's allowed to be on it. The site will just suddenly stop working when she has exceeded her allowed amount. I'm not telling you what to do; just telling you what I have done in similar situations with my own kid.

Suze said...

Yay Maren! My kids both were really slow with saying words. Daniel is making up for it now (he only stops jabbering when he falls asleep, and sometimes he even talks in his sleep, so there you go) and Anya is just getting the hang of saying a few words. I've learned not to worry about it!

Oh God. Barbie website? Yikes.

Jessi said...

Thanks for the suggestion. I don't really think it's worth "blocking" for me. I am going to try and let it run it's course. I honestly believe it'll bore her after a while. There's nothing particularly great on there. And when she can visit Agent Oso or Imagination Movers, I just don't see her sticking with it. If she keeps up like this, I'll just put a time limit on it. She has to be on the computer in the same room with us, and usually on our lap, because she's not very good with the touchpad yet. So, it'll be easy to restrict.

Suze - Brynna was a slow talker too. I got more and more panicked about it every doctor's appointment and finally, I was saying how she only had 3 words and she should have 10 words and WHAT DO I DO?!?!?! And the Dr. said, "Einstein didn't talk until he was 4. She's fine." And I calmed down. Of course, not knowing when she started to lose her hearing, I don't know if I'll panic more or less this time around.

Anonymous said...

Take it from a Mommy who knows: IF you cannot see the screen while they are in the same room sometimes they do try to roam to some sites because they are curious. :-) So if you can't see the screen at least set the ratings in the parental controls.

Becca said...

CJ has been using noggin.com, nickjr.com and nick.com for quite some time now. I have to watch what he does on Nick Jr, since he's a little young for El Tigre and some of the content on Turbo Nick. I let him watch iCarly (because I like it too) but draw the line with Drake and Josh.

I don't normally set limits, but when I need to, my kitchen timer does the trick. I highly recommend it; the beeping shifts the end of computer time to a set occurrence vs. Mom's Arbitrary Decision(TM) and usually wards off any argument.

Fresh Beat Band can bite me.