Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Conversations with a Five Year Old - Frustration Edition

Maren: I'm hungry.
Me: I know, but in just a little while, we're going to get ice cream for Papaw's birthday, so no snacks.
Maren: But I'm hungry now!
Me: But we're celebrating in a few minutes.
Maren: Hmph.
Me: You know, it's a big deal. Papaw survived another trip around the sun, we need to celebrate that.
Maren: No he didn't. It's just his birthday.
Me: Yeah, that's a figure of speech. That's what a birthday is. You lived another year and traveled around the sun again.
Maren: No, you didn't. You just stayed in the same place.
Me: Yes. You stayed in the same place on the Earth, but the Earth traveled around the sun. On its orbit.
Maren: No, it didn't.
Me: Yeah, it's like in school, when you have a birthday, you hold the globe and walk around the sun candle to signify that you've been around the sun again.
Maren: That's school. We don't do that with our family.
Me: I know. What I'm trying to say is that you do that at school to signify something that really happens.
Maren: No it doesn't. The Earth does not move.
Me: Yes, it does. Remember the solar system model at school and the planets all have an orbit and they go around the sun. It's science.
Maren: NO, IT'S NOT. That's just a Montessori thing, it's not real life.
Me: Baby, the stuff you learn in Montessori is real. You learn it differently from kids in other kindergartens, but it's still real stuff.
Maren: NO. It's not. It's not real, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not.
Me: I think you're getting too upset. Maybe we should talk about this later.
Maren: Maybe I should have a SNACK!

In the car:
Maren: (high pitched dog-whistle-esque scream)
Me: What's wrong?
Maren: I think my seatbelt cut my earring in half.
Me: What?
Maren: The seatbelt got caught on my earring and I got it loose, but I think it cut the flower off.
Me: Okay. I'll see if I can fix it when we get to school.
Maren: What am I supposed to do now?
Me: Don't worry about it.
Maren: Should I hold the back into my ear. I'm doing that, but it hurts a little.
Me: What?
Maren: The back.
Me: Do you have the back.
Maren: Yeah, I'm holding it into my ear.
Me: You don't have to do that, just don't lose it.
Maren: But what if my hole closes.
Me: It won't. Not between here and school.
Maren: But it might. I'm not getting them pierced again. It was terrible. I don't know why anyone does that. You don't have to have pierced ears, you know.
Me: Yeah, I know that.
Maren: Then why did you make me do it?
Me: Because you wanted to and you were showing enough responsibility that I thought you could handle keeping your ears clean and healthy. I was right about that, but if I were psychic and I had known how much you would complain about it, I would never have done it.
Maren: Here it is. I found my earring. It was on my shirt.
Me: Good. Just hold onto it.
Maren: What if my ear hole has started to close up and the earring won't go in and it hurts when you try.
Me: It won't.
Maren: Can I just have one ear pierced.
Me: It's fine. Quit worrying about it. Your ear is fine and you are fine and it won't hurt and everything is absolutely fine!
Maren: Don't yell at me. I'm very upset and fragile.
Ten minutes later... Literally.
Maren: That didn't hurt.
Me: I told you so.
Maren: Awww. You're not supposed to say that. It's disrespectful.


Cathy GIles said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cathy GIles said...

So funny!! You gotta love her determination...and focus. She never forgets she's hungry! LOL!!