Five Things on Friday.
And there was much rejoicing. *yay*
This year has been a bust so far. I mean that. I had high hopes. You know, like you do. But so far, I have completely lost my ever-loving mind. I can't seem to remember anything, I lose everything and I feel like I have accomplished nothing.
That's an exaggeration, of course. In reality, I have accomplished very little.
And to get there, I feel like there are a few things about myself I have to own. A month ago, everyone and their Aunt Sassy wrote about their words of the year. Well, here's mine: ME. That may sound a little crazy and egocentric, but it's not about being focused on me, it's about accepting what is me. I am many, many things. Crazy and egocentric may or may not be two of them, but it's time to quit trying so hard to be someone I think it might be nice to be and start concentrating on just being who I am.
So, now that I've rambled a post's worth and snuck in part of a post I meant to write in January, but didn't because I only wrote 6 posts in January, I present...
Five Things I'm Gonna Own This Year1. I like TV - I talk about TV a lot, but I also sort of have this guilt about it. I feel like I shouldn't like TV and a lot of people talk about how terrible TV is. For your brain or your soul or whatever. It's evil and it's the idiot box and it's for people who are too dumb for anything else and you know what? It's not. It's long form fiction. (At least the kind I watch is. Reality show junkies - you are on your own.)
2. I'm a Depressed Optimist - When you are a naturally cheerful person who is always looking for the bright side, it's hard for people to accept it when you say you struggle with depression. Look, I'm going to explain it. Both of these things are in my brain. They are both controlled by chemicals that I cannot explain and don't want to know about. They coexist. I promise. Get over it. I simultaneously believe that everything will work out and that none of it matters because the Earth is going to careen into the sun eventually anyway. Okay?
3. I'm a Little Lazy - Earlier this week, I cleaned the Living Room, not because it needed it, but because I could do most if while sitting on the couch. This is the same reason that I like to sort laundry. I can do it while sitting. I'm capable of a lot. I am capable of cooking entirely organic, made from scratch meals. I am capable of maintaining a spotless home. I am capable of creating tiny themed lunches for my kids to haul to school. That doesn't mean I'm going to do any of those things. When it comes down to it, I can talk myself out of almost any job with a DVD's episode of Sherlock or a new book on my Nook or a new skein of yarn. And my chair. Because what all of those things have in common, is my red chair.
4. I Don't Have Time for it All - This is sort of related to the above. But, even if I got super motivated and decided to pre-cook a month's worth of meals, I would still pick up Micky D's on the way home or throw some spaghetti in the pot sometimes. I would still go to bed with clean laundry piled on the foot of the bed and legos on the living room floor. Because there is just too much to do. There are books to be read and written and panchos to crochet and TV to watch and a house to clean and kids to play with and planners to sign and Girl Scout cookies to sell and cupcakes to bake and work to do. There is this life and it's bigger than I am. And I am okay with that. I am okay with knowing that it's not all going to get done. I am going to die with a to do list. But that's okay. Because if I've prioritized right, there won't be anything on it that someone else can't do the next day.
5. I'm Worth It (Almost Regardless of What "It" Is) - I tend to have this belief that no one really wants to spend time with me. Except my mom. She seems to genuinely like me. I've always thought this, that everyone else was doing me a favor by being around me. And I've always known, really, that no one else felt that way. (Well, I'm sure no one is just as ridiculous as everyone, but you get the gist.) But that didn't stop me from believing that I have to make being with me worth it. By being funny and smart and able to discuss anything. By being larger than life and telling wild eyed stories and being super nice. I'm not going to stop doing any of those things, because that's who I am, but I am going to stop trying to sell myself. I don't care what you have to put up with that's annoying about me, I am still worth your time. And if you don't agree, then you, simply aren't worth mine. No hard feelings.
What about you? Is there something you should own about yourself? Something that's getting in your way or causing you too much guilt? Shout it out. I'll even give you a "Hell, yeah!" if appropriate.