Last week, I wrote about my depression and I have gotten the most amazing responses online and off and I just wanted to make a few things clear that maybe weren't super clear before.
- I am being treated. When I talk about depression, know that I am doing the druggy treatment and the talking treatment. I am attacking this thing. It doesn't "cure," though. I have good days and bad days. What the treatments do is reduce the number of bad days and give me the tools to deal with them. One of those tools, for me, will always be writing. That's what I'm doing here.
- It could be worse. When I'm really fighting it, it seems huge and terrible and dragony. But, the truth is that I am one of the lucky ones. I don't have thoughts of suicide. I don't self-harm. I can keep my cool and function on a 100% normal level. In fact, most people who know me would never guess. Ever. Because I am so functionilicious.
- I have fuzzy lines. I'm never going to talk about what I take and what dosage here. I'm never going to talk about some of the contributing issues I deal with. Some things are too personal. Some things aren't. I can't begin to describe or explain where those lines are. I just know it when I see it. Like porn. That's not to say that I won't tell you. If you really want to know something, if you want to compare notes or if you want to say, "Me too and hey, do you do this?" just ask. In email. Or Facebook message or some other private way.
- You guys rock. Every blogger says this and if you haven't been there, I don't think you can understand. But I've gone back through all my depression posts, which are some of my most raw and terrible writing, and I haven't received one negative comment. Everyone has been wonderful and supportive and loving and awesome. I appreciate that. I appreciate it more than I can explain. Because it means when I am at my worst, I know that there are people all over who are on my side. Seriously, the rockinest? It is thou.
So, in summary, I'm okay. I'm not normal and I have bad days. I'm going to keep talking about the bad days and hopefully, someday soon, I'll talk about the good days, too. Some days I convince myself of things that aren't true. And some days I work really hard and eventually convince myself of something that is true. But I am okay. I love that you care and I really hope you don't stop that, but please, don't worry. I mean, a meteor could fall out of the sky and destroy me tomorrow, but the likelihood of that is identical to a meteor falling out of the sky and destroying your Aunt Sally. So, if you want to worry, go ahead, but not any more than you worry about Aunt Sally.