Exponentially Growing Children

I tried something new this weekend. I took my children back to school shopping. I've seriously never done that before. I've gone shopping with my Ex and his mother and the two girls. I've gone shopping with one girl. I've gone shopping by myself.

This.

Was.

Hell.

For one thing, my kids are no longer in the same department. Since Maren is in the 700th percentile for everything, she moved out of the toddler section when she was 7 days old. (This is all hyperbole. For the record.) So, for years, we've been a one stop shop family. No longer. Brynna is out of girls' clothes. Into juniors. Juniors suck.

So, when we're in the girls' department, there is a bored tween who wants to know why she can't have a shirt like that one with the ruffles. And when we are in the juniors section, there is a bored four year old who wants to know when we are going to SHOP FOR HER! LIKE SERIOUSLY, MOM, IT'S BEEN FIVE MINUTES.

I don't typically believe in back to school shopping. I believe in seasonal shopping. You buy fall/winter clothes and you buy spring/summer clothes. That is all. I try to have something cute for the girls to wear on the first day, then, I'm out. You got all those clothes at the beginning of summer. Wear them.

But this year, alas, no one fits in anything. Brynna especially. I am convinced she grew three inches over the summer. She has no jeans that fit her. None. Not a single pair. And she lives in jeans. At least, she didn't. Then we went shopping. Now she has three pairs of jeans, I have three new gray hairs and Maren has three carpet burns from wallowing on the floor while Brynna tried stuff on.

Also, shoes. Oh the humanity that is the shoe store. Maren kept trying things on without any regard whatsoever to size or style.

"Maren, put the crocs back. We are here for tennies."

"Maren, your sister just tried those on, they are way to big for you. Will you please put these on now?"

"Maren, where did those even come from?"

"Maren, you don't try on socks."

"Maren, no one needs neon purple dress shoes."

I have to admit, I like the shoes she got, but would have acquiesced to anything that was: a. a tennis shoe and b. fit her foot.

Brynna, in the meantime, couldn't tell me what was wrong with anything.

"They feel squicky."

"These feel like a bathing suit on your feet."

"I think they are sort of puffy? Maybe?"

"No, they fit, but the ankles seem tight. Don't the ankles seem tight?"

"I don't know. They just aren't... You know.... It's like..."

This makes it exceptionally hard to find another pair to try. "Are these squicky?"

All in all, it was a successful day. Everyone lived. The girls have shoes and enough clothes to start the school year and to keep them from looking like Oliver Twist Goes Pink. But most importantly, I learned a very important lesson. Shop one at a time. One kid at a time.