You know, I don't believe in writer's block. Don't know what to write? Write anyway. Even if it is pure, unadulterated crap, from the great crap-mines of some distant planet, at least you have a starting place. Something that's not a blank screen. And usually - it's not as bad as you thought.
This was not writer's block. This was something else. Something that had mainly to do with motivation and a desire to curl into the fetal position and pretend to not exist until everyone forgot I was here. That is so not me, y'all. Imma a babbler, a rambler, a storyteller and for a while there, I quit being those things.
I know this sounds like the premise to a bad 80's movie, but I'm trying to find myself. If this was a bad 80's movie, I'd go to Tibet and climb a mountain or something. I'd talk to wise people and then I'd come back all fierce and driven and I'd say something gloriously witty. Here are the problems with that scenario:
- Despite my deep longing to be a world traveler, I have a deep fear (born primarily of bad movies) of foreign prison and hospitals. I'm certain that no matter where I go, I'm going to inadvertently smuggle drugs or get hit by a bus and then what? I was really worried about the bus half of that scenario when I went to London. And I don't know, I was scared I would be subjected to superior medical treatment? At least my common sense could reason with my gut instinct, but in this case, I know nothing about the health care system in Tibet. And isn't that one movie where Claire Danes goes to jail for like forty years but looks exactly the same when she leaves set in Tibet? (Nope, Thailand.)
- I have no money for Tibetan travel expenses.
- I have this little thing called responsibility. I have a job and kids and a mortgage and I don't believe in movie magic.
- I'm not really your mountain climbing sort. I'm more your Sky Lift riding sort.
- I'm never witty. Maybe that's just because I've never climbed a Tibetan mountain, but I'm doubting it.
- That's way too touchy-feely crap for me.
So, no mountain for me. It's for the best really.