Before we begin, though, I'm going to have to define "terrible." Terrible music to me has lyrics that are either so trite they could have been written by monkeys or make no sense whatsoever. Terrible music also has nothing really to offer in the music department. It doesn't have to sound like Brynna playing Rock Band, it just has to be sort of ho-hum. Oh, and overproduced helps. Nothing makes a song more terrible than overproduction.
Now, if you read one of these songs below and think "Well, that's not terrible at all," you should realize that first of all, I'm admitting to loving it, so you can't get that mad about it. And also, it's all subjective. Feel free to defend something though. I might just be amused. So, with no further ado, I present:
Five Terrible Songs that I LOVE!
1. Total Eclipse of the Heart - Honestly, all you have to do is look at Bonnie Tyler's hair and know that this is a terrible song. When the male voice starts chiming in with the "Turn around" bits, you know you are in for it. But when she said, "Every now and then I fall apaaaart," I dare you to not bust out with it, too. And the "I'm livin' in a powder keg and puttin' off sparks." Okay, terrible, but also wonderful. Ah, Bonnie Tyler, forever always starts tonight, but I love you anyway.
2. All Star - For a while, I thought I loved to hate this song. I mean, what's with all the stuff about global warming? And it was everywhere, wasn't it? But then it kinda faded and now when I do hear it, I can (and do) sing along with every single word and get a little dancey. I look forward to it. In short, I wanted to be all superior, but I kinda love it.
3. Pack Up - This past weekend, I watched Eliza Doolittle on Graham Norton and fell in love. After some Googling, I realized that I was really only in love with that one song. And it was awful. Really, truly awful. And yet, I can't quit singing it. I have probably listened to it 20 times this week. It's infectious. In fact, it should be quarantined. Also - and I know this has nothing to do with the quality of music - but also, what is she wearing? That is the most terrible dress (?) in the history of the world. Yes, it beat out the swan dress. And as if that weren't bad enough, the pairing with the shoes. And that thing she does with her shoulders. But whatever. Infectious.
4. Kodachrome - If anyone is going to argue, I expect it to be about Paul Simon. I mean, Paul Simon. He's brilliant, right? But honestly, it made more sense when I thought he was begging his mother not to throw out his clothes.
5. Punk Boy - I hesitate to include "Punk Boy," by Ash because I think it's brilliant. (Oh, and yes, I know it's a cover, no I do not like the original. Sorry.) However, in college I dated that guy. You know, because almost all of us dated that guy. Unless you are a straight male or a gay female and then you probably hated that guy. Or hung out with that guy because of all the girls around him. Anyway, singer-songwriter, horrible person. I excused most of his atrocious behavior because he was tortured. Or something. (You have to grow up to understand that you are not tortured by virtue of being an artist.) He hated this song. I sang this song morning, noon and night and it made him crazy. Finally, in one of his moods, he demanded that I name ONE redeeming quality this song had. After a few minutes of pondering, I responded, "It makes me happy." I'm pretty sure that doesn't count in musical terms, but it counts in Jessi terms. A few days ago, I cranked this so loud in my house that the walls shook and Maren, Brynna and I danced until we fell over. It still makes me happy.
And please, please, share your favorite bad songs. We can commiserate. And I can feel better about my apparent dearth of musical tastes.