I have a bit of a chest cold. It's not the worst I've ever had, but perhaps the most annoying, because I don't really feel bad. So, I thought I would list my symptoms in the funniest way I can, for your amusement. Because I am a martyr for comedy.
1. There's a Toddler Sitting on my Chest - This is perhaps the most consistent of my symptoms and I feel the crushing weight of Maren perched on my ribcage. Except that Maren is at my mom's house and every once in a while she bounces slightly.
2. I Sound like Mae West - I have this horrible compulsion to try to teach someone to whistle every time I hear my voice. It would probably be sexy if not for...
3. I Also Sound Like I'm Losing a Lung - The cough doesn't come all that often, but it's hard to stop once I start and it's a deep, hacking, miserable cough. Which is made worse and makes worse...
4. It's Possible that My Throat was Raped by a Cheese Grater - Because I keep waiting for a tissue full of blood. Which would only enhance my feeling that I am dying of consumption in some Civil War movie (probably played by Olivia de Haviland, because let's face it, I am no Scarlet).
5. Despite the Fact that I am So Tired I Could Drop, I Can't Seem to Sleep - I've been trying ever since my mom came and got the girls so I could. I finally gave up and turned on the computer. Which means that my backstory has caught up with me. I think I'll take a Tylenol PM and give it another shot.
Farewell, my sweets. I'll see you on Monday.