Thursday, June 18, 2009

Conversations with a Four Year Old

"Mommy, my tummy aches."
"What kind of ache."
"An allergy ache."
"Oookaaaay. Is it a throw-up-feeling ache or a crampy ache, like your muscles are all making fists or a stabby ache, like someone is poking you with something sharp?"
"Everyone has muscles."
"Skyler-Belle's daddy has a lot of muscles. He's really big and strong. He could lift your van. And a house and a church and a stool."
"A stool, huh?"
"No. A SCHool. And a rose."
"A rose?"
"Yep. But he would have to be very careful and gentle to lift a rose because he is so strong."
"What about your daddy?"
"Is your daddy as strong as Skyler-Belle's daddy?"
"Why not?"
"Because he's not a big guy."*
"So, daddy's not that strong because he's just a little guy."
"No, he's a medium guy."
"Oh, so what can daddy lift?"
"I don't know. Medium stuff. It's a throw-upy ache."

"Mommy, when you have a lot of moneys, I'd like to go to a movie place."
"Oh, you want to see a movie? How about UP? I bet we can work it in this weekend."
"No. I don't want to go to theater to see a movie, I want to go to a movie place and be IN a movie."
"I think I could be on Yo Gabba Gabba. There are kids my age on that show."
"Yeah, but you hate Yo Gabba Gabba**."
"Yeah, but it would be cool to be on TV and I think that's my best bet."

"Sweetie, it's time to get up."
"I don't wanna."
"Look, Penny came to see you. Get up and pet Penny."
"Aack! Get her out of my bed."
"Because Tanner*** says that cats have flies and I don't want flies in my bed."

*The Husband probably outweighs Skyler-Belle's daddy by 50 lbs or so. He probably out-heights him by at least 5 inches. Skyler-Belle's dad is much closer to my size than his.

** We don't actually know that Brynna hates Yo Gabba Gabba. We hate Yo Gabba Gabba, and, like Bratz dolls, we've told her that she hates them since way before she could actually form an opinion of her own. She might really like acid trip kids TV and slutty Barbies, but we don't know that for sure. This is probably not the best parenting ever, but it works for us.

*** Name changed to protect the innocent to protect my sanity at not being able to remember that kid's name.

Also, for those keeping count, this is Post #100. HipHip. It's only taken me about two years to get to 100 posts, but look how regularly I'm posting now. I'll probably get to 200 before the end of the year.


Sleepless In KL said...

hi jessi,

pls email me yr mailing address so that i can send you the bookmark and wooden shoes fridge magnet. you won, girl :)


Strangeite said...

I actually don't mind Yo Gabba Gabba. This could be because I read that the name of the show came from a Ramones song or it could be because some of the alternatives are so much worse.

I have a half written blog post on this subject (along with about 30 others) but some of those kids shows are simply wrong. Wrong in the same way that Cthulhu is wrong and if you ponder them too long your mind is driven to madness by the sheer horror of their inanity.

Caillou is forboden in our house because that stupid kid is a tattle tale and whines through 90% of every episode.

Don't get me started what I would do if Ruby was my sister. It is no wonder that the poor Max has very limited language skills as his sister emasculates him all the time. I bet Ruby murdered her parents.

And Diego, oh Diego. While on the surface his shows doesn't seem too bad... until you actually watch it. It is as if the writers primary goal is to confuse kids by presenting scenerio after scenerio of situations that make you dumber just by watching. I still cringe everytime I think about when Diego rescued a whale by blowing air bubbles on him.

Jessi said...

Wow. So, don't be so ambiguous, there. I think you have inspired a post on kids' shows.

Anonymous said...

I like Caillou. It teaches me about Canadian culture. Or maybe it's because I'm whiny. I don't consider myself a tattle tale, though. I don't remember Caillou tattling. I usually like the way his mom responds to his toddlerness, too. And his sister is adorable.

Very funny post, Jessi. You daughter is awesome.


Strangeite said...

Oh I can't remember the specifics of the episode (it was the last one I watched) but the short story was that someone wouldn't let Caillou play with something so he runs home to whine to his parents. The parents instead of telling him to deal with it, go with Caillou to find the kid to "talk about it".

My main beef is with his whining. Every episode has Caillou whining about something and the narrarator does help. They are always saying something like "Caillou was upset" or "Caillou was sad that his parents made him brush his teeth" or somthing to that effect. The narrarator always seems to be pointing out something negative.

I have issues though.