Friday, August 22, 2008

Little Reminders

This morning I had an email from my mom that I had not blogged in approximately two months. blah. So that got me thinking as to why I don't blog anymore. Pure laziness was the first thing that came to mind, but let's give me a little benefit of the doubt here, I'm not that bad, am I?

I think one of the contributing factors is that I don't really think anyone reads my blog. Except for my mom and Lisa. So please, if you are out there lurking, de-lurk. Give me a shout-out in the comments. It's not nice to make me think I'm just shouting into the wind. I may end up cussing or something.

I think another factor is that I am just disillusioned and sad. Jaded and depressed. Whatever. I am not doing so well with writing TGAN (the great American Novel). I don't have time to write. I'm sure this is true of every writer to ever spend even a little time as not-a-professional-writer. But, I have work, a three year old, a house, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I am writing in ten minute bursts. By the time I figure out where I am and what the next step is, I only have two minutes for actual writing.

Plus, I want to go back to school. Partly because I miss school. I was good at that. I hardly ever screwed up at being a student. But also because I am not doing anything that I ever thought I might want to do. Brynna has informed me that I should be a doctor when I grow up. Which made me think, what do I want to be when I grow up. Because I know it's not this. Other than the Nobel award winning author of TGAN, I don't know. I think today that I might want to be a librarian. I'd really like to be a lit teacher, but that's like 10 more years of school or something and I don't want to wait another decade. I want to be happy in five years or less.

Then, I can't help but pay a little attention to the tiny part of me that says "Who cares what you want to be." That part of me thinks that maybe it's enough to be a mom and that no one really loves their jobs anyway and everyone ends up doing something they never expected, right? I mean seriously, have you ever heard anyone say "I'd like to be an auditor for the IRS," or "What I'd really love to be is a 911 dispatcher?" But those jobs are important. And I'm glad that someone ended up doing them. I just don't think I'm very glad that I ended up doing this.

Enough of my personal pity party. For those of you, who in theory, will be de-lurking in the next few days, here's a de-lurking suggestion - what do you think I should blog about. I know this whole thing is supposed to be random, but what do you like to hear about, my professional woes, my cute kid, my pregnancy, what?

2 comments:

Liezlbug said...

I'm in the exact same spot (minus marriage and kids) - I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Therefore I have nothing to write about but my own confusion, and that just goes in circles.

Jessi said...

I hope that we figure it out. Before we retire. That's what I'm afraid of, I guess, is being the Grandma Moses of literature.

Good luck on your quest. Just stick with it and keep doing the things you love and hopefully you will get there eventually.