Friday, August 22, 2008

Little Reminders

This morning I had an email from my mom that I had not blogged in approximately two months. blah. So that got me thinking as to why I don't blog anymore. Pure laziness was the first thing that came to mind, but let's give me a little benefit of the doubt here, I'm not that bad, am I?

I think one of the contributing factors is that I don't really think anyone reads my blog. Except for my mom and Lisa. So please, if you are out there lurking, de-lurk. Give me a shout-out in the comments. It's not nice to make me think I'm just shouting into the wind. I may end up cussing or something.

I think another factor is that I am just disillusioned and sad. Jaded and depressed. Whatever. I am not doing so well with writing TGAN (the great American Novel). I don't have time to write. I'm sure this is true of every writer to ever spend even a little time as not-a-professional-writer. But, I have work, a three year old, a house, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I am writing in ten minute bursts. By the time I figure out where I am and what the next step is, I only have two minutes for actual writing.

Plus, I want to go back to school. Partly because I miss school. I was good at that. I hardly ever screwed up at being a student. But also because I am not doing anything that I ever thought I might want to do. Brynna has informed me that I should be a doctor when I grow up. Which made me think, what do I want to be when I grow up. Because I know it's not this. Other than the Nobel award winning author of TGAN, I don't know. I think today that I might want to be a librarian. I'd really like to be a lit teacher, but that's like 10 more years of school or something and I don't want to wait another decade. I want to be happy in five years or less.

Then, I can't help but pay a little attention to the tiny part of me that says "Who cares what you want to be." That part of me thinks that maybe it's enough to be a mom and that no one really loves their jobs anyway and everyone ends up doing something they never expected, right? I mean seriously, have you ever heard anyone say "I'd like to be an auditor for the IRS," or "What I'd really love to be is a 911 dispatcher?" But those jobs are important. And I'm glad that someone ended up doing them. I just don't think I'm very glad that I ended up doing this.

Enough of my personal pity party. For those of you, who in theory, will be de-lurking in the next few days, here's a de-lurking suggestion - what do you think I should blog about. I know this whole thing is supposed to be random, but what do you like to hear about, my professional woes, my cute kid, my pregnancy, what?


Liezlbug said...

I'm in the exact same spot (minus marriage and kids) - I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Therefore I have nothing to write about but my own confusion, and that just goes in circles.

Jessi said...

I hope that we figure it out. Before we retire. That's what I'm afraid of, I guess, is being the Grandma Moses of literature.

Good luck on your quest. Just stick with it and keep doing the things you love and hopefully you will get there eventually.