So, I've been... Well... Busy, I guess.
I don't know, it doesn't seem like I've done all that much with myself. And yet, I feel like I haven't had any decent downtime in almost forever. I feel like I threw about seven knives in the air and just remembered that I don't know how to juggle.
September is hard on me. For one thing, practically everyone was born in September. (I believe that and yet, it's pretty much just Brynna. And the Ex, but I don't so much celebrate his birthday anymore. There's some cousins and a couple of the kids' friends, but really, as far as big birthdays go, just Brynna.)
It's also my favorite time of year. This is the season where I suddenly believe that I am invincible. I think of exciting new things that I am positive I want to do. I take on new challenges. I say yes a whole lot and get excited about almost everything.
But the reality is that I am running ragged, trying to just remember get some laundry detergent and wash Maren's lunch plates.
I am buried.
I went to the therapist today and I told her how overwhelmed I felt and why. I went on and on an annoying amount and work and home and how everything is piling up and I don't know what I'm doing and there's so much work and so little time and AAAAAAAAAAAAA.
She told me to take ten deep breaths.
I rolled my eyes.
She said that it's not going to be about the breaths, it's going to be about me carving out time. Insisting that this thirty seconds or so is just for me to breathe and not do anything else.
And that speaks to me. I've been "holding on" until the girls are away again. So I can have a whole day to spend in bed or house cleaning or whatever makes the peace outweigh the chaos.
But maybe I don't need a whole day. Maybe I just need thirty seconds, or five minutes, or an empty car and a drive home, or a long shower. I need to intentionally set time aside for me and enjoy it, not just use the quiet seconds as a time to work on my to do lists.
So, here I am, taking ten deep breaths.