Conversations with a Four Year Old

We were driving home, listening to A Wrinkle in Time on audiobook. This is one of my coping mechanisms for the Thunderdome that lives in my backseat.

Maren:  Mommy, please turn off the book.
Me: Why?
Maren: Because books give me a headache. I don't think I really like books much.
Me: You like your bedtime stories.
Maren: Because they are short. I don't like long books. At all. Books give me a headache.
Me: Well... Good luck with that.*

*I stopped myself from telling her she was in the wrong family. It's true, but she's so literal.
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After 15 minutes in her room, doing nothing but screaming that she couldn't do it by herself.

Me: Listen. You can. And you will. You are strong, capable and powerful. You can totally do this by yourself. You've done it before.
Maren: But I need help. I'm still wittle. You only help Brynna because she's the famous one and I'm not famous so I don't get any help at all.
Me: Nope. You've got this. And if you run into trouble, you can come get me and I'll help. Also, I'm not helping Brynna.
Maren: No. I can't. You've got to stay.
Me: No. You're going to do this and I'm going to go make supper. Your choices are to put your laundry away or go to bed.
Maren: I can't go to bed. I haven't had last meal.
Me: Sorry, Charlie. Laundry or Bed.
Maren: That's a terrible choice.
Me: Some choices are.
Maren: Fine. I'll do it. But I won't have any fun at all.
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10:11 p.m.

Maren: Mommy, I need to sleep with you. I had a nightmare.
Me: No you didn't. You haven't been to sleep yet.
Maren: How do you know?
Me: I could hear you playing in your bed. Also, I'm mommy. Mommy the wise and all-knowing.
Maren: Maybe I was sleep talking?
Me: Nope. I can tell the difference. Mommy the wise.
Maren: Okay. I haven't been to sleep. I'll just come get in bed with you.
Me: Nope. You know the rules. You have to go to sleep in your own bed.
Maren: I did.
Me: You just said you didn't.
Maren: Fine. I hope you catch my nightmares.
Me: Me too, baby.