Conversations with Kids

Maren: Mommy, are you awake?
Me: Yep. What's up?
Maren: Crawling into bed with me. I woke up and there was a bad noise on the radio. Then a man said that there were going to be tornadoes. But tornadoes aren't real are they?
Me: Well... Yes, but we're not going to have one this morning. They are going to the South of us.
Maren: I mean, they're not really real in this world. Right? They're like witches? Only real in another world, but not in our world?
Me: Um. Yeah. Like witches.
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I was standing outside the car pumping gas and had left the car on Accessory so that Brynna could listen to the end of her song. 

Brynna: Mom, don't date. Okay?
Me: Uh... Hold on. Finishes up, gets in car, turns off radio. Okay. Why don't you want me to date?
Brynna: It seems really complicated. There are all these rules. Did you know that you're never supposed to split a check? I don't know what that means, but it seems like something you would do and it's against the rules. It just seems really hard.
Me: Whuh... Oh, was John Tesh talking on the radio after your song ended?
Brynna: Yeah, and it just seems pretty complicated.
Me: Okay, then.
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I almost hit a deer with my car. Luckily my car has excellent headlights and brakes and I managed to get stopped and let the thing wander aimlessly around the road for a while.

Maren: You did a good job, Mommy. Good job not hitting the deer.
Me: Thanks.
Maren: You stopped 'cause you didn't want to kill the deer, right?
Me: Yep.*
Maren: Good. Papaw kills deers. I don't think you should kill deers.
Me: Well, you know, Papaw is a really responsible hunter and he eats the deer he kills. Killing some of the deer also keeps the population under control so that they don't starve to death.
Maren: Yeah, but if he kills a baby then the mommy will be so sad looking for her baby.
Me: Papaw doesn't kill babies.
Maren: Well, if he kills a mommy then the baby will be sad looking for it's mommy.
Me: You kill deer in the fall when the babies are all grown up. Baby deer don't stay babies for long.
Maren: I still think it's sad. I don't want to eat a dead animal.
Me: Okay, well, you know that cheeseburgers are made out of cows and chicken nuggets are made out of chickens and bacon is made out of pigs, right?
Maren: Yeah, but somebody else kills them.

*Actually, I stopped because I didn't want to tear up my fancy new Jeep. Deer are stupid. I don't really care all that much if they die.