Friday, September 14, 2012

Five Things on Friday - Vampirism Sucks Edition

I'll take the bad one. I have a whole theory on that.
I'll share it sometime.
You may know that in addition to being a true believer in the forthcoming zomboalypse, I am also vampire crazy.

When I was in middle school, I read a little series called The Vampire Diaries, and fell madly in love. (It did not stand up particularly well. I re-read it a couple of year ago and it was not stellar.) But, luckily someone else fell in love with this as a kid and grew up and made a TV show about what it could have been.

It took me a while to catch on, because I tend to be late to the party and I am behind. Last night, I was catching up, via re-run and it occurred to me that if there is one thing that all vampire media agrees on, it is that there are some serious downsides to being a vampire.

So, I present:

Five Reasons Why Being Undead would Truly Suck Pants

1. High School - Apparently, all vampires look like teenagers. I'm not sure if this is just because bloodsuckers are drawn to siring teenagers or if it is some magic of the curse. If so, you know, that might balance everything out. Because also... All vampires are hot. Anyway, they all seem to keep going back to high school. Over and over again, all these creatures of the night, check into their local high school and matriculate. They go to dances, they buy prom dresses, they date high schoolers and they deal with the never ending gossip. I'm telling you, high school wasn't that much fun, I am totally not interested in centuries of it.

2. No Daylight - This is probably why they are all so broody. They are all suffering from SAD. It does, in fact, make you short tempered, irritable and depressed. The next time you are watching a vamp being all "Woe is me, I've got immortality and am drop-dead gorgeous, but I have to eat rats if I don't want to kill my friends," just imagine how much good some vitamin D might do 'em.

3. Bad Boys vs. Good Guys - Which brings me to the whole broody vampire vs. might kill you at any second vampire. There is no middle ground. I'm not sure that anyone has ever properly explained why there are no just ordinary vampires.

4. Chaos - I kinda get why being in the middle of the supernatural community might make your life a little more hectic, but I often wonder what exactly is up with the sheer cloud of chaos that seems to follow vampires. Is there ever a normal day when you are undead or it is all battling ancient foes and rescuing your human significant other for the 9 millionth time?

5. Never-ending Stream of Exes - When you're going to live forever, you tend to either pick significant others who are also planning on kicking off next century with a bang, or you make them that way. Which means that in a couple hundred years, you've established a pretty major pack of exes. But you would think that maybe some of them would want to steer clear of you and wouldn't follow you to whatever small town you are currently occupying. I guess not, though. I kinda get that, too. The lack of photography means that since Facebook stalking your exes is out, you might as well get your hands dirty and see what 16 year old your ex is currently sipping.

So, yea or nay to a lifetime of high school drama and depression? I'm pretty sure I'm out, even it would mean a pretty major makeover.

No comments: