Tuesday, May 31, 2011

If You Don't Know Who It Is - It's Probably You

There are some things that are universally annoying: popping your gum, being a Debbie Downer, being overly happy, etc. These things are annoying to everyone on the planet except those who do them. I cannot explain why this is, but it is so. There are some things that are only going to annoy a small part of the population. I, for one, can't stand it if you don't say goodbye before you hang up the phone.

You know what, jerk? You just hung up on me. In the interest of what? Pretending you're on TV? Saving a half a second? Seriously, getting off the phone without saying goodbye is hanging up on me and I will NOT tolerate it. Also, don't say the word literally unless you literally know what it means and are certain that what you say is literally true. I will NOT tolerate someone saying "It's literally a million degrees in here." Because it's not. I guarantee it. Because you have the ability to speak rather than being a puddle of melted humanity.

But that's not what we're talking about today. We are talking about something much more heinous and hidden. Something that your friends will never point out to you, but I guarantee you that they are annoyed by it. What is this awful thing you could be doing, you ask? Counting your blessings.

Don't get me wrong - everyone should do this to some extent. You should know that your life is better than it could be. You should rejoice in the little victories and celebrate the small joys in life. It's important. And you shouldn't dwell on the bad, as that is a recipe for disaster.

On the other hand, you shouldn't do it constantly. If you find yourself saying things like, "I feel so blessed to be born with all my limbs," more than once a decade, you may have a problem. If when people tell you their problems, you respond with something along the lines of, "But you are so blessed that all of your problems are so small," you definitely have issues.

Trust me, you are annoying everyone.

Oh, they won't tell you that it's annoying, because you are making them feel bad. But everyone gets to complain. Everyone. At least once in a while without hearing about how they shouldn't because they have it better than someone else. People should be entitled to feel pain, to whine, to bitch, even and be accepted as normal - not some ungrateful freak who should be jumping up and down that they don't have seven different forms of cancer like that guy in an email you got last week.

Seriously, seek help. For yourself if not for those around you. Eventually, you'll be murdered.


Jenn-Jenn, the Mother Hen said...

I love when you get snarky because it means I'm not the only one! Whee!


Suze said...

SO TRUE!! Thank you for saying this. Just because someone out there has it worse than you doesn't mean you don't have the right to complain.

I actually think this has larger social and political implications as well - like when teachers get criticized for complaining about low pay and difficult work conditions because they "get their summers off." Or when people roll their eyes at modern feminists because we got the right to vote already, so why are we still bitching about sexual harassment and equal pay?

Suze said...

Oh, and I really REALLY hate the count your blessings thing when it comes to parenting. I know my kids are beautiful and healthy and that I should be grateful that I "get" to spend just about every waking moment with them, but this full-time-unpaid motherhood thing does get to a person eventually.

DolceMia said...

You are just what I needed to read today. I am so with you sister! Not literally, of course:)