Overheard at Subway Today

The setting: A small Subway restaurant right off the interstate located in a gas station.
The characters:  

• Mr. and Mrs: An elderly couple. Judging by their appearance, early to mid 70's. Judging by their accent, Michiganders. Judging by her white pedal pushers and her oh-no-oh-no-my-burning-retinas green top, snowbirds.
• Kid: A subway employee. Judging by appearance, 14. Judging by maturity and patience: 50. Judging by accent: middle Eastern.
• Lady: Another subway employee
• Checker: Another subway employee

Kid: What can I get you, ma'am?

Mrs: We're going to share a sandwich.

Kid: Okay, what would you like?

Mrs: Tell me about your Veggie Delight.

Kid: Well, you can have your choice of any of the veggies...

Mrs: Is there meat on it?

Kid: No, it's vegetarian.

Mrs: It's what?

Kid: Vegetarian.

Mrs: What?

Kid: Vegetarian. Vegetables only. No meat.

Mr: Can we add meat.

Kid: ... No. You can get any of the veggies on any of the sandwiches, though. 

Mrs: So we can have vegetables on a chicken sandwich?

Kid: Yes.

Mrs: Okay, we'd like a mublelicious.

Kid: I'm sorry, what.

Mrs: A chimmmmmm.

Kid: I'm sorry, what?

Mrs. A CHICK-EN SAND-WICH.

Kid: Okay, what kind of bread would like (points to sticker).

Mrs: This one (pointing to the sticker that he can't see on his side of the glass.)

Kid: I'm sorry, I can't see, which one.

Mrs: This one, this one right here.

Kid: (Totally stabbing in the dark) Honey wheat?

Mrs: Yes.

Kid: I'm sorry we're out of chicken.

Mr: Turkey.

Mrs: Cold cut trio.

Kid: The turkey or the cold cut trio.

Mrs: Turkey? I didn't say turkey. Cold cuts.

Kid: Okay. What kind of cheese?

Mrs: Yes, please.

Kid: Which kind?

Mrs: Yes, cheese is fine.

Kid: You want all of the cheeses?

Mrs: What?

Kid: Which kind of cheese?

Mrs: They all look the same.

Kid: We have pepperjack, provelone, american and sprinkle cheese.

Mrs: I'll take sprinkle.

Kid: Do you want this toasted.

Mrs: Everything but hot peppers.

Kid: Do you want it toasted.

Mrs: Yes, everything but hot peppers.

Kid: Toasted. In the oven. Do you want it toasted.

Mrs: Oh, yes. That sounds nice.

Kid: Takes it to the oven.

Mrs: (yelling) You didn't put on my vegetables. I wanted vegetables. Everything but hot peppers.

Kid: We'll put on the toppings after it's toasted. 

Mrs: Everything but hot peppers.

Kid: After it's toasted. So the veggies stay crisp.

Mrs: No, NO PEPPERS!

Kid: After it's toasted, we'll put on the veggies.

Mrs: (To Mr. Loudly.) I don't know if he's deaf or if he doesn't speak any English.

Lady: What veggies would you like?

Mrs: EVER-Y-THING BUT HOT PEPPERS!

Lady: Everything?

Mrs: Yes.

Lady: Spinach and lettuce?

Mrs: EVERYTHING BUT HOT PEPPERS.

Lady: Okay.

Mrs: I SAID NO HOT PEPPERS!!!!!!!!!

Lady: These are banana peppers. The jalapenos are hot. (looking at the lady) Okay, I'll take them off.

Lady: What sauce?

Mrs: Hominamumble

Lady: What?

Mrs: Hominamumble.

Lady: I'm sorry...

Mrs: HONEY MUSTARD.

Lady: Okay.

Checker: What did you have?

Mrs: A sandwich.

And scene. It was pretty much all I could do to not fall over myself through most of this. I don't know what was more amusing, the deaf lady being totally rude about not being heard and understood or the fact that there are people out there who just plain don't understand Subway. I mean, it's 2011. Everyone's been to Subway. Right?

In any case, I'm so glad I was late leaving for lunch or I would have totally missed the joy. Also, this kid deserves an award.