Thursday, March 31, 2011

Overscheduled and Underpaid

I can't breathe for long when not in the
presence of my magic book.
I've been thinking about writing a post wherin I discuss the pros and cons of trying to "do it all." I try to do it all. I do this because I'm a control freak and because I have trouble saying no. Also, everything sounds like fun in theory. Oh, sure, I'd love to do such-and-such. In my mind. In the reality I live in, I inevitably find it's not so much fun.

People have come to expect this from me, now. To the point where I recently said no to something at church and everyone stopped for a moment and stared at me. I had to work hard to stand my ground.

But this week, oh, this week has been rough. I've had something to do every night so far and I've felt busy and panicked and I'm having trouble sleeping. You should know, I never have trouble sleeping. My sleep is never bothered by anything. Half a gallon of coffee ten minutes before bed - no problem. Just walked three miles and my endorphins or whatever are sky high - give me five minutes. Bed's broken and I have to sleep on this here handy pile of nails - Whatevs. Guilty conscience about the murder of sixteen people - I can handle it.

But it wasn't until I got the voicemail today telling me that our Girl Scout meeting had been cancelled that I realized how bad it was. I was overwhelmingly relieved. I sighed and said a prayer of thanks. Then I may or may not have gotten up and did a very silent Dance of Joy right at my desk.

The worst part of this week being so busy: it's the last week of the month. The first week of the month is always my rough week. So this week - just a prelude, baby.

I am officially overscheduled. And the problem with being overscheduled is that I have no idea what to do about it. Yeah, yeah, I understand that I have to get better at saying no. And I should probably cut something out of my life. Some volunteer thingy or something. But I really just can't.

  • I have bookclub - which I love. I live for bookclub and I'm not giving it up. Those people keep me sane.
  • I have my ladies church group which is much the same. With the addition that I have tried to quit and I just can't.
  • I have the Montessori board, which I just re-volunteered for. But really doesn't take that much time anyway. I could give up a committee, though, I'm on two.
  • I have church which is a tricky thing. I can't give up church because of the pesky faith thing, but I could give up parts of it. I could do less, but I'm truly needed there and I would feel really bad about it. In fact, I usually don't feel like I'm doing enough as it is.
  • I have Girl Scouts, which I could totally give up and not feel even a little bad about, except that I've kind of become one of the go-to parents and I don't know how to get out of that gracefully.

Add to this that I am not at all involved in a school which is actually attended by one of my children and I have this pressing need to do something about that and you have, well, desperation.

And I'm still working full time and trying to get into grad school. So, there's that.

Some of this will ease up as the girls get bigger. I'm involved in everything they are and everything I am and I stay with them for everything The Husband is involved in (which isn't much to be fair).

I'm not sure what the point of this is. I'm not the first, nor will I be the last, mom to sit down on Thursday night and wonder where the hell the week went. I know what needs to be done, I'm just not sure I can do it. Also, I'm severely sleep deprived, so perhaps we should ignore this whole post.

Thank goodness the week is almost over. Sort of.

1 comment:

Mrs. Allroro said...

I'm not a mom, but I think it sucks that you are in this boat. So, take my advice for what it's worth (and I realize some people hate advice, so you can just skip the rest of this if you want). Maybe the way to get out of being the go-to parent gracefully is to just have to keep saying to everybody who asks for something that you're not available right now but you hope to become more involved again soon. That way you're not burning any bridges.