Have you ever gotten that email forward about how wonderful girlfriends are? I hate email forwards.
In this case, I hate that forward because it drives home the fact that I don't really have girlfriends. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have friends and some of them are girls, but I don't have besties.
It's a flaw in my personality in that I don't really talk to people with much consistency. I used to, when I was in school and I had to see the same people all the time. It was easy to stay in touch with people who were never more than a few seats away from you.
But since then, well, I sort of fail. I don't really call people much or write them, like ever. I email like all hell's broken loose, but it's sort of about nothing and gets boring and dies and then I never send another email.
I have work friends, because, as aforementioned, I can handle that. But you can't really get that close to work friends, because you know, you work with them. And then once you don't, and you really can say anything to them, I fail to keep in touch the way I should.
Most of the time, I'm good with my lot in life. Most of the time, I have friends, plenty of friends and I happily bounce down the road doing what I do oblivious to the fact that apparently, the rest of the female population has something that I lack.
Other times, though, I get this desperate feeling like I just need to talk to someone, right now. Someone who gets me and who I don't have to give a ton of backstory to. Someone who can see clearly and offer advice without berating me with it.
I'm having one of those times.
And as always, when I'm having one of those times, this forward lands in my inbox, reminding me that that empty feeling I have when I need to talk and have no one to talk to? That feeling... is not normal. Because normal people have "girlfriends" or "best friends" and I, I am abnormal.
Except that I don't really think that I am. I think that the whole world of Sex and the City where fully grown women spend more time with their best friends than their significant others and their children is made up. I think that there is a great, silent majority who reads that crap and watches Steele Magnolias and thinks about how nice that would be. But lives every day with a nice circle of supportive friends who are not "that" friend.
But I may be wrong. So, I beseech you, in the name of helping me determine if there is something detrimentally wrong with me, tell me what's up with the besties? Do you have one? Seven? None? Is your mom your best friend (hey, I'm speaking from experience here!)? Your husband?
I just want to know what I'm missing out on.
5 comments:
My husband, my cousin Steph are the two consistent besties in my life.
I think the whole mom thing put a real damper on a lot of my social relationships. I have about one good friend who stuck with me after the babies came, and she's extraordinarily understanding about a lot of things. Everyone else eventually lost touch. That makes me sad. I do have good friends who are also moms who don't have paying jobs, but it's hard - really hard - to get the conversation much beyond topics like diapers and naps and preschool.
When you have kids...it changes everything. You don't have time to keep up with everyone, to call or email and they don't have time to call you back..if they have kids too. Plus if you are with your girlfriend and you have your kids with you, you can't focus on an adult conversation because you know that you are going to be interrupted 15 billion times to tell someone to put that down, or to share or to pry someone's little fingers away from another kids' hair.
It's too much work!
I have a few (very few) good friends, but no "besties". I've always been more all about the quality of my friends than the quantity. I still consider you a good friend, and you can call me and vent to me at anytime, and I'll listen. I'll even sit patiently while you have to tell your kids five million times to leave you alone because you're on the phone; because I know you will wait patiently while I tell my son the same thing five million times. I'm sending you my phone # right now via facebook.
I just wrote a long comment and have pasted it to my own blog so that I'm not overtaking yours.
Suze and Ady - I think you are right about the mom thing. I never really connected those things, but it is just so much harder. I wonder if this is something that we grow out of - like when the kids get older and more self-sufficient will it be easier?
Jenn - You rock.
Ann - Thanks, more on your blog...
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