Things In Life I’m Disproportionately and Insanely Jealous Of - Not Technically a Friday Meme

Look at me!! This week I'm doing both, BOTH of my features. I did What's in my Crochet Bag on Monday and today I'm doing a meme. Except it's not technically a meme. It's technically a stolen post. I read this earlier this week and thought it was so darn funny, I had to go and steal it.

So, credit where credit is due, please go read Jen O.'s version at My Tornado Alley. She's pretty much a genius.

She listed 16. I don't think I'm going to get that far. Because I don't have a very good attention span, so I'm shooting for 10.

1. A Good Attention Span - It's not just like I'd like better focus, but more of a desire. I just can't be bothered about very many things. Including, but not limited to, craft projects, my children, work projects and house cleaning.

2. An Accent - (Yes, I stole this right off Jen's list. It's hard not to be jealous of things of which other people are already jealous. See that, I didn't end that sentence in a preposition. Still don't think it's right, but whatever.) Some would argue that I have an accent. Southernish or Kentucky-but-not-Mountain. Whatever. I hear it all the time, so I want a new one. Irish, preferably.

3. A Maid - I have a friend that gave up buying a morning coffee every day and bought instead a maid. An actual human who comes to her house twice a week and cleans up after her kids and dogs. (Okay, so she didn't really buy a person, it's more like a rental.) In any case, I don't buy morning coffee and I can't think of a single thing in my life that's give-upable that would pay for a maid.

4. Work at Home Options - Yeah, I'm allowed to work at home when the kids have swine flu, but really I'd like to work at home on a regular basis. In my jammies. The ones with the cow spots that are shaped like Mickey Mouse's head. Those are the best.

5. Jeans that Fit - I don't think I've owned a pair of jeans that fit properly since high school. Perhaps related, I haven't bought men's jeans since high school.

6. A Waist - Perhaps related to number 5 - I actually have a waist, but it's approximately two inches below the bottom band of my bra. If I wore my pants there, I'd be in serious pain and look worse than Urkle. You guys remember him? Good times. Anyway, maternity clothes fit me the way normal clothes fit you, so I'm pretty much screwed on ever finding those fitting jeans.
7. Fashion Nerve - I actually kinda know what I like, but I am usually afraid to wear it. Because I don't like it when people look at me too much. And when you walk around in boyfriend jeans, layered tops and Chuck Taylors with skulls and you're 31, people are gonna look.

8. Tivo - I'm never home on Thursdays at nine. And I think everyone knows what happens on Thursdays at nine. What? Some show about doctors whining? NO! Supernatural. Jensen Ackles. Enough said.

9. A Quick Wit - I often think of really good comebacks and witty things to say, but not until about two days after the fact. If I'm ever telling you a story and you think, "Wow, that was witty," chances are that I didn't really say it, I thought of it days later and just added it in.

10. The Ability to Breathe - This head cold is freakin' killin' me.