Conversations with a Five Year Old

At 7:10 a.m.
Brynna: Mooommmmmeeeeee!
Me: Yes, dear?
Brynna: I'm sleepy.
Me: So, go to sleep. You've got a one hour delay. Daddy will come and get you when it's time to get up and get ready.
Brynna: But I can't sleep. Even though I'm sleepy.
Me: Well, that's because it's morning. Come in my room and you can watch the news with Daddy.
Brynna: No, I haven't slept.
Me: What?
Brynna: I never went to sleep. I went to bed last night and now it's morning and I never slept.
Me: I doubt that.
Brynna: It's truuuuueeeeee!
Me: If you never went to sleep then why didn't you holler for me when I first turned the TV on?
Brynna: Because I was asleep.
Me: But you said you never got to sleep.
Brynna: I didn't. You aren't listening to me.
Me: Okay, I'm going to go finish getting dressed. I love you.
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Brynna: I don't want to go back to school.
Me: I know. I don't wanna go back to work.
Brynna: Okay, let's stay home another day.
Me: I don't wanna do that either. I think we should go to school and work just so we can get out of the house.
Brynna: You know mommy, I'd like to tell you about a magical place. It's called the library.
(Ed. Note: Damn, she's mastered sarcasm.)
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Brynna: Daddy forgot to make me lunch today.
Me: He told me. He was pretty upset. What happened?
Brynna: The teachers made me lunch out of leftover snacks.
Me: So, what'd you have?
Brynna: I had strawberries and popcorn and peanut butter and jelly and cucumber slices.
Me: That sounds good.
Brynna: I didn't eat the cucumbers.
Me: It still sounds good.
Brynna: It was. I think you should forget my lunch every day, mommy.