Miscellany

"STOP STARING AT ME SECRETARIAT!!"

When I started here, the painting that hung just above my computer screen was a hideous piece of art called, "Comin' Atcha." I'm not making this up. In fact, here it is:Harness racing or something. Anyway, the picture does seem to be literally coming at you and it made me tense. I felt like I was about to be run over all the time.

So, recently, my office acquired some new art and rearranged everything. I took the opportunity to switch out the offending work for a nice, calm portrait of Secretariat. I would find an image of that painting, but it seems that there are more portraits of Secretariat than of all our Presidents combined, so you'll just have to use your imagination. It has a nice, calm green background and a nice, nondescript tan matting. It is the epitome of calm. And I thought it would make me happy.

But it doesn't, because Secretariat watches me. Right now, he is watching me and tsk tsking because I am blog writing at work. But even when I am busy, busy, busy with nonprofit work, he looks at me and judges. For illegible handwriting, and bad typing, for a messy desk and a half drunk cup of water that's been on my desk for a week. For the calculator that I am always losing and the post it notes that keep falling off my monitor. For my mismatched clothes and the fact that I didn't see the paint on my shirt until I got to the office today.

I don't normally care about racehorses much. I understand that people loved Secretariat, but I've never had many feelings one way or another about him. But now, now I hate him. Judgmental equine snob.
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"Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"

I love to once in a while ask my stat program how people find me. I find the answers intriguing. Usually, it's off a link from one of your blogs (for which I am eternally grateful). And my searches aren't all that hard to get, "Scattered Mind" comes up often, as does "Jessi's Mind." But sometimes, I just shake my head and wonder. Here are my current top three:

Crochet Bag - okay, self explanatory, it's a feature (although a much neglected one.)
Controversial Disney Movies - Well, aren't they all
Disappointed in my Wife - so am I, dude, so am I
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"Arts and Crafts Time at the Office"

One of my responsibilities at work is to do these abysmal state registrations. You see, each state that we serve and therefore solicit money from the residents of requires us to do a crapload of annoying paperwork on an annual basis. Saying annual basis, however, makes it sound like you only have to deal with this once a year. There are actually three departments of each state that require your annual paperwork.

Many of these forms (8-10 pages on average) come to me in .pdf format. Because their programmers don't know how to make a fillable .pdf (my voice drips with scorn despite the fact that neither do I) and they are afraid of Word, I have to print them and fill them in hard copy. Which is alright, except they mostly would like the answers to be typed.

Which sometimes means hauling out the decades old IBM Selectric Typewriter and clicking my way to glory. Unless there aren't many things to fill out, or a large paragraph is included. In these instances, I believe the easiest solution is to type my responses in Word, print them, cut them up and tape them to the form, then make a photocopy of the taped up piece of paper. It's like high school journalism, people.

It's horrible. And what is worse are the tiny, tiny pieces of paper floating around my desk like flotsam, requiring that I think about vacuuming. I hate to vacuum and I try to not even do it at home. I average about three vacuums per year at work and I'd really like to knock it down to 2 (the days before our big board meetings would work).

I spent the morning literally copying and pasting, and I spent the afternoon crawling around on the floor picking up little shreds of paper in an attempt to avoid vacuuming. I am pathetic.