Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I'd Leave if I Were You, When My Head Explodes, T'Will be Messy

Anyone out there ever seen Big Trouble in Little China? I love that movie. I love it when Jack Burton says to someone, "You know what old Jack Burton says?" and the someone says, "Who's Jack Burton?" I also love the spunky redhead who never really gets her due. And the guy with the funky eye. And the Porkchop Express. Frankly the movie is freakin' funny. If you don't think so, I suggest you watch it drunk or stoned. Although I need neither chemical to make me love this treasure of cinema.

Anyway, when I was a kid, my favorite part of Big Trouble in Little China was when the one dude gets soooo mad, that his whole body swells up with rage and he EXPLODES! I am not making this up. You see his head swell first, then his hands, his abdomen. There is an especially nice shot of his tiny little balloony toes at the end of his big balloony feet. Then, smoke (or steam) shoots from his nostrils and there is a satisfying train-like sound. Finally, you see tiny bits of him flying through the room. As an adult, I have totally outgrown the gross-out factor of that scene. Now my favorite scene is when Jack tries to talk all cool with the lipstick all over his face. Or the one when they are down in the secret underground place and everything is outlined in neon.

(Side note: when Brynna was younger (and deafer) she said "underdown" instead of underground. But she had dreams of things taking her "underdown" and I totally got creeped out and convinced that Brynna knew about some ghost world where the dead rise and stuff. Then I found out she had misheard underground and was totally disappointed to find myself not in a horror novel. Oh, and relieved.)

Anyway, all this is to say that I feel like that guy. That exploding head guy. Throughout the day, today, my head has steadily filled with... um... mucus... sinus juice... snot. Pick whatever is least offending to your sensibilities. Anyway, my head is full. It hurts. Behind my eyes and in my teeth and behind my ears. It didn't this morning, now it does.

I have used half a box of tissues this afternoon alone.

I gave myself some Zicam and Tylenol.

Tonight I will drink a gallon and a half of orange juice. (Note to self: Self, buy a half a gallon of orange juice on the way home.)

Also, my throat hurts.

I hope I don't have the swine flu.

Not because I'm afraid of the swine flu. I stand assured that all this flu hoop-la is overblown media bull and that it's the flu, people. The flu kills. Always has, always will. But I hope I don't have the swine flu, because I'll have to keep my kids home with me so that all the kids at school and daycare aren't exposed to the stupid swine flu. Then when I start to feel better, they will get sick and I will have to stay home with them. Then, when they finally start to feel better, I'll get it again. That's how my life works, yo.

Pity me.

1 comment:

Jenn-Jenn, the Mother Hen said...

If you want it, I have a recommendation for how to clear out the sinus gunk. If you don't want it, skip the next paragraph and only read the last one, 'kay? :-)

When my sinuses are all gunky, I go out and get sushi and slather wasabi all over it. Yes, I feel like the roof of my mouth is going to dissolve when I take that first bite, but then the spiciness seems to go up into my sinuses and it clears out the gunk. Blow your nose a couple of times, the gunk comes out, and you can breathe again. If you don't like wasabi and sushi, any spicy dish will do. I just feel like wasabi does a better job of targeting the sinuses, whereas Mexican and Asian dishes leave a burning trail down the throat that lingers in the mouth for hours. Wasabi and other horseradish-y dishes burn for a moment, then its over. No residual oils to make your mouth continue to burn. At least, not in my experience.

Okay, now that my possibly unwanted advise is over, you can continue reading. :-) I hope you get feeling better soon. As far as the flu goes, if you don't have a fever, it's doubtful you have the flu. Sounds more like a sinus infection to me. Then again, I'm not a doctor. Don't listen to anything I say. ;-)