Tuesday, June 9, 2009


It's late and I'm tired. I have to get up very, very early in the morning to get the kids ready and the stuff packed up in the car and everyone fed and I really need to just give up for the night and go to bed. So, of course, I am hungry, very not tired and a little crazy. So, why not blog?

A few things you've missed in the last few days:

1. Maren had her six month check-up. She is, in fact, huge. 97% in weight and 95% in height. She had a slew of shots and my doctor commanded me to move her to a bigger car seat. Also, one of the nurses mistook her for a 12 month old. I am not kidding.

2. Brynna and I went to story time at the library last night. The theme for the summer reading program is Be Creative. So, after their story time, they went outside and colored with sidewalk chalk. Brynna made a sunset. Out of sidewalk chalk. It was spectacular. I took a picture. I'd give my eyeteeth to show it to you, but it's in my phone and I can't figure out how to get pictures out of my phone. Surely it came with a cable or something...

3. Last night, on the way home, "Janie's Got a Gun" came on the radio. (As a side note, we checked out a CD of Shel Siverstein reading his own poetry and Brynna was totally freaked out by people talking and not singing on the radio. So, we tried some kids CD's and she finally said, "Just put it on the thing where lots of people sing." The radio.) I grew up on that song a little and I never got it. Then, when I was about 17, I was washing my face after a play and singing it to myself, when it dawned on me. What it meant. What it was about. And I cried. All night long. It's not just that the whole thing is so bad. It's that I didn't really, until that moment, understand that things that bad really happen. It's funny, I was a horror movie kid. I saw every ghost story, slasher film, or possession movie I could get my hands on. I knew all about murder and psychosis, but I didn't understand about sexual abuse.

And I looked in the backseat at Brynna playing with the velvet poster I had bought her earlier. Brynna sitting there basking in her own innocence and not even knowing it. Brynna having no clue what Steven Tyler was singing about. And I wondered if she would have a similar moment. A moment when all the horrible things that people are capable of suddenly become reality. At the same time, I hope not and I hope so. I hope that she can live without that moment. That moment that will always haunt her, that will always feel like an open wound. But on the other hand, I had that moment because nothing really bad ever happened to me or to those that I loved. Oh, bad things have happened since, but I've been able to deal with them. I hope that she can live up until that moment without knowing what any of it is, without being stained by the evil of people. I hope that moment comes late in her life. At least late in her teens.

4. I think that probably could have been a blog post without the rest of this crap. Oh well, 20-20 hindsight.

5. Tomorrow the zoo. Wish me luck, strong legs and cool breezes.


Anonymous said...

I remember you singing that song. I didn't know what it was about, either, until right now when you just said it. I don't know the words, so I think I'll listen to it now.

You're my song-lyrics hero.


Anonymous said...

I just saw this on a friend's blog and thought of you and your rapidly aging baby.

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait 'till tomorrow
For babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow
So, quiet down, cobwebs
Dust, go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.

Jessi said...

Thanks Ann. I love that little poem. I'd never read it before but it made my day.