Monday, February 16, 2009

My Big, Fat, Mean Husband

Friday was a pretty crazy day. We had a lot of little things to accomplish before we went home, so The Husband got Brynna and Maren, we did our errands and met at my grandma's farm to head home.

The Husband started calling me almost as soon as I got off work, "Where are you? How much longer? There's no one here!" I was pretty annoyed, almost so annoyed that I didn't answer on about the fifth call. Here's how it went when I did answer.

"What?!?"
"Don't panic, but Brynna got bit by one of the foxes."

(I should pause here to explain that my grandmother has two arctic foxes. They are not tame animals. However, they are too domesticated to ever survive in the wild. Therefore, despite the fact that they are not pets, can't ever be social, are annoying and smell bad, they will live in a large dog pen on my grandparent's farm until they die. They eat cat food.)

"What?!? What do you mean, don't panic? How did she get bitten? Where were you?"
"I was right here, we went up to look at them, you know, to kill time, since it's taking you so long and all, and one of them came up and kinda sniffed at the pen and Brynna stuck her hand in and the fox took a big bite before I could stop her."

(I should pause here to explain that throughout the conversation, I could hear my precious, oldest daughter screaming bloody murder in the background.)

"Well, how bad is it?"
"Pretty bad."
"Did it break the skin?"
"Oh yeah, there's lots of blood and I think you have the first aid kit that supposed to be in my car."

(I should pause here to explain that there would never be a first aid kit in the car if I didn't insist on it and make it so.)

"What?!? Well, what are you doing on the phone. Hang up and get her to the hospital. I'm finding a place to turn around right now. Stupid, Friday rush hour traffic. Get out of my, red car, I've got to get my baby to the hospital."

It's at this point that my darling, beautiful and faultless daughter gets the phone and says "JUST KIDDING!"

Then I hear them both laughing hysterically like this is the funniest thing ever done to another human being.

I hung up. Then I called a divorce lawyer to find out if I could divorce both of them.

1 comment:

Creations said...

I would like to point out that foxes have small mouths and the chain link is small too. Therefore, a "great big bite" is not possible. Also, having seen acutal bites from these foxes, there is never "lots of blood". However, there would have been when I got home! Good thing they didn't call me!